It's really happening. Love to you all. I am going to miss regular Toast posting so very much and am so grateful we got three years of this brilliance.

Yeah, university systems handle people who are just getting started handling their own medical care all the time. It should be a supportive environment in which to check that out.

Do you have a friend you might feel comfortable asking for moral support? Maybe someone you can set goals with ("I will make an appointment today! Ask me at 4 if I have called yet.") or who will sit with you while you make phone calls, go to appointments, etc?

It is exhausting to get started with all this when you already aren't feeling well. I'm sorry.

Yes! I am way, way more irritable when I'm off my meds and my first sign of depression setting in is outsize irritation and anger. This manifests as crankiness (like having to leave the room when people are chewing audibly instead of just being a little annoyed by it), and a general "everyone sucks" outlook. Anti-depressants do help, although recently I had to change up my meds because they stopped working well and anxiety set in like whoa.

But anyway, yes, anger can be a depression symptom. A therapist once told me that depression is anger turned inward. I am not sure about the clinical validity of that statement, but it feels like it has some truth. It makes sense that some of that anger can leak out too.

You already know a lot of great people whose words are very much worth reading.

I was also brought up fundamentalist Christian, even went to a fundie college, so I have many friends and family who still are fundamentalist. I have found that theological debates are not helpful. Ultimately, no matter how good your exegesis is, it's just too scary for some people to entertain the thought of stepping away from what they have been taught is absolute truth and a matter of eternal life or death.

You can trot out great scriptures like Ezekiel 16:48-50 where God says that the sin of Sodom was that "She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me." Not homosexuality-- lack of care for the poor and needy. But people will come back with their own "bully verses" or other arguments. It's often fruitless and frustrating. That said, it is helpful to read for one's own education.

Also, I think it's important to keep reminding my friends and family that all people deserve love and deserve to be valued. I talk a lot about how Jesus displayed radical love and hospitality to people whom the religious leaders of the day considered to be the worst sinners, so I see a modern parallel in offering that radical love and acceptance to the LGBTQ+ community. When they tell me that I am wrong and will be accountable to God for leading others astray, I say that if one day I am before the throne of God, it turns out I'm wrong, and I have to account for my beliefs and actions, I am 100% confident in the answer I will have-- that over and over I see examples of radical love in the scripture, and that I would much rather be held accountable for erring on the side of love. That has actually stopped quite a few people in their tracks more than any exegesis ever has.

You know how I get my body ready for the beach?

I APPLY SUNSCREEN!

That's unreal! wow.

Just the name of that company pisses me off.

I had felt guilty for a long time about distancing myself from that crowd of friends, so it ended up being a gift in a weird way because it so clearly showed me I had made the right decision and shouldn't second-guess myself.

That last bit is so true! A few years ago my husband was really, really sick (he would soon be diagnosed with Crohn's, but we didn't know it yet) and word was getting out. An acquaintance I had not heard from in a few years called to say she heard he was sick and to ask how we were doing. I was so touched that she would take the time to reach out like that. Then the conversation turned to her new MLM business. Something weird about getting hotels to buy crappy artwork or something-- really, really scammy. I was stunned.

But it is part of the Falls! The Cave of the Winds is part of Niagara State Park and basically takes you to the base of the Falls. That's like saying Maid of the Mist boat tour isn't the Falls.