so you think i should watch it then

IT IS 100% REAL I AM A GOD (WHO HATES MOVIES)

Excuse me, I'm just gonna write a little love letter to Mallory real quick.

Mallory.
M
A
L
L
O
R
Y.
Mal.
Lo.
Ry.

Have you ever been so struck by an event that you immediately lose all the code-switching you built up in college and the workplace, and revert to your natural vernacular that only comes out when you're the most emotive and totally unhinged?

MAL, YOU * church stamp * GAVE * soul clap * ME * falls out * LIFE.

What's best about this list is that it's NOT (ahh edit edit sorry) just a "List of Women, to Make Up For an Error." It's GREAT PEOPLE doing GREAT fucking work. Every cherry picking one. Like, of COURSE Heben Nigatu is on this list. One day I am going to turn my TV on and see Heben waving at the end of SNL, and not in the back like some intern, but in the front, NEXT TO LORNE, STANDING OVER LORNE'S DEAD BODY PROBABLY, running the show. Pilot Virulet is, undoubtedly, the Best Boob Punch on the Internet, and Tina Belcher in real life, but better. BETTER THAN TINA BELCHER. Jia is a genius, an actual genius, that will be in history books and stuff, and I'll brag to my grandchildren about how I took her old job ("so why aren't we studying you in history, Grandmater?"). I now spend 98% of my day gchatting with Haley and my life is ONE MILLION TIMES BETTER with the introduction of her sweet Canadian soul. All of these women are so incredible and we should be talking about them every. damn. day. FUCK yes, Mallory. Thank you.

</embarrassment>
</PSYCHE I MEANT EVERY STINKIN WORD>

I'm moving in

I was there and I had to assail Mallory with my identity because I have LONG GLORIOUS BRAIDS THAT NOT EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT YET and because my online identity is me at 15: brave, sweaty, but totally less attractive than I am now. I was also the 700th person to swoop down on her. Mallory is a beast at greetings and salutations.

It was the most fun. Thank you for everyone who said hi to me and congratulated me on the 'Pin. Apologies to everyone who said hi to me and congratulated me on the 'Pin. I should sleep more.

NICOLE YOU WERE DEARLY MISSED

Jaya why didn't I just come to your house

I AM DEAD ON THE GROUND AND ONLY YR LOVE CAN LIFT ME UP
(omfg. THANK YOU.)

NICOLE I WILL CARRY YOU ON MY BACK TO NEW YORK CITY GODDAMNIT WE NEED YOU!!!!

Thank you for the well wishes on the Hairpin everyone (yes, jazzedloon is me and Jazmine is jazzedloon and whatever, I'm sure you knew that)! I will be at the Toast event this week (I'll be the one with Nicole on my back) -- please come say hello.

hi mallory i miss u

THIS FRIDAY IS EVEN TOUGHER THAN MOST FRIDAYS BECAUSE MY DOG IS COMING TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to bribe my sisters into pushing my father to leave earlier (he is a night owl, and I have no doubt that he'll show up at my front door at 11 PM, sleepy dog in tow) so I can snuggle with my pup as soon as possible. Also because both of my roommates are gone for the night, and I can live out my dreams of living alone with my boyfriend / living with a dog and my boyfriend / sitting on my couch naked.

Trader Joe's Peanut Cups, some Nina Simone, and mint tea. If things are really bad, red wine. Cures all.