I ask why I am here, at Penn State, everyday. Everyday I feel like I am being held back by staying here, yet everyday I stay. Most days I just go through the motions and grudgingly do work; other days I just don’t do anything at all in one of the most passive attempts to be rebellious. Since I ask myself this question everyday I have found out why I am here. I am in no way shape or form ready for the real world, and this is just buying me time. In some ways I don’t want to be ready for the real world. Slowly but surely my high hopes and dreams have been beaten down by an educational system that doesn’t mind if people aim for the middle. As a child I dreamed of being the first man to step on another planet, or winning the world series, or putting out the next great rock album. Now I just hope to be a functioning cog in our industrial society.
My parents of course want nothing more than for me to get a degree. I don’t blame them either, my father never got his and he understands how difficult it is to move forward without one. Ever since I was a kid it was expected I was going to college. My parents saved lot money, I started looking at schools in tenth grade, and I got an SAT tutor. None of those were my decisions, but it went that way anyway. Don’t get me wrong; I am so grateful my parents’ care so deeply about my future, so very grateful. It is just that sometimes I wish I had taken a year or two off and explored my options. I mean if it didn’t work I would still have the safety of a university to run to. I just feel like college was forced upon me and my experience has suffered for it.
But I am here at Penn State, and I have no plans of leaving anytime soon. I have plans of finishing in four years with a degree in film. I plan on studying abroad in South Africa and getting a minor in geographical sciences. I plan on spending my summer’s here working and making up all the classes I failed freshman year. I plan on using these skills to work for National Geographic or a similar organization. Until then though I am here, and until I stop struggling with classes I don’t want to take I can’t really see my plan coming into fruition.

I think the real question we should be asking is ‘What is it to be human?’ rather that ‘Why can’t we just be human?.’ Is humanity as a concept real? The concept of humans being that much more cognitively advanced than other life on earth goes unquestioned. Is it so? We continue to consider humans separate from other species yet it is our most animalistic, our most primal instincts that control us. We hold fears, we make choices based on aggression, we feel tense when in new environments, and our sexual desires cannot be suppressed. Humans wage wars for the same reason termites do, territory and resource. It is simply unfair to ask the question ‘Why can’t we just be human?’ when we truly can’t.
Since these instincts have always been part of human existence it becomes agonizing to ask the question of whether we can change. Our natural state would say no. Studies have shown that even those who consider themselves completely free of prejudice still show physical signs of anxiety when put in situations with other races. Our ancestors lived in areas where the populations were nearly homogeneous in race. Living among mixed races is a recent phenomenon and our bodies are still adjusting to. Though race may not seem important to some, humans are always trying to judge whether an environment is comfortable or not, and it is what we see and observe around us that makes us draw conclusions. So any differences in what we are familiar with will automatically be interpreted subconsciously.
So if our primal instincts do all of this then how can we live together? That is where the human element works in. We have emotions that no animal can come close to. We can sympathize with those around us, show compassion and suppress our primal feelings. It is what we do with our human instincts that really decide who we are. We can react with resistance towards a new environment and refuse to be open to the differences around us, or we can explore this uncomfortable feeling we get in new environments. Being open to the differences in the environment ends up easing the physical tension of the situation. At this point in time I don’t think humans are ready to homogenize themselves to the level of just being called human. Instead I think we must become fully aware of what it means to be a human. Without our ability to show compassion or care races would have never mixed, war would be more prevalent and inequality would be even greater than what it is today. So in that respect we are just human, and it will take time until we are able to remove an emphasis off race and to more important issues than appearances.