en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/10312872 Comments by her_again http://the-toast.net/2016/07/01/an-open-thread-and-sea-room/#IDComment1025206979 I've been holding back tears while reading this whole thread, but this one broke me. Rain. On my face. Sun, 3 Jul 2016 07:21:22 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/07/01/an-open-thread-and-sea-room/#IDComment1025206979 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/30/things-lucy-maud-montgomery-lied-to-me-about/#IDComment1025053228 YES. I spent a good chunk of childhood wanting to be a "little old-fashioned girl", as I put it in my head. As it happened, I DID live in a rather beautiful part of the world (small New Zealand city surrounded by lots of rolling green hills and the sea), and I also happened to live across the street from a field (!) with sheep (!!) and two horses (!!!) in it. Yet all these tantalising touches just made the enduring existence of paved roads and buses and computers all the more enraging. I was so close to the old-fashioned life - yet so far away ... It led to a very strange melancholy that I remember clearly but haven't thought about in a while. Thu, 30 Jun 2016 23:10:20 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/30/things-lucy-maud-montgomery-lied-to-me-about/#IDComment1025053228 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/27/readers-toast-the-toast/#IDComment1024841942 I "knew" that the Toast was closing down - as in, I understood in my head that starting from July 1 there would be no new content* - but deep down in my heart I refused to accept it. Now reading through these comments has made me realize that no, there really will be a giant Toast-shaped hole in my life, and the place where I used to go for great commentary and sensible, insightful analysis and jokes about two monks and the best comments on the internet - it won't be there anymore. Anyway, the Toast. The first place on the internet where I never felt like I had to try to fit in, or say the right things, or explain what I meant, because everyone there was already a kindred spirit. Sometimes I would try to explain to my non-Toast friends why jokes about being 'too witches' or 'take to the sea' or How To Tell If You're In a ___ Novel were so funny, and they just didn't get it. What I'm saying is that finding the Toast was like finding out that all along - while I was feeling so weird, convinced that I had to put on a false persona to interact with the world because no one would get my jokes about the Hapsburgs or whatever - there were people out there who understood. So even though the Toast is closing, just having that knowledge is a gift that can never be taken away. Also, I will really miss the Open Threads! I never commented on them much because Antipodean time zones meant that they were wrapped up by the time I was reading them with my Saturday morning coffee in hand, but I loved reading about everyone's lives, feeling like we were all just struggling on together. You all inspire me every day to be braver, sassier, more self-possessed, and generally more witches. * also, I have deliberately not read much Toast content in the last month, so that I can save it all up and steadily drip-feed myself/stay in denial in the days and weeks following July 1. Tue, 28 Jun 2016 03:09:36 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/27/readers-toast-the-toast/#IDComment1024841942 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/27/readers-toast-the-toast/#IDComment1024841062 I feel EXACTLY the same way. Without the Toast I'd feel a lot more weird, and a lot more isolated. Now I know that there are all these other people out there who share my sense of humor! All these other people who grew up as bookish kids re-reading Anne of Green Gables! All these other people who will laugh until they cry over jokes about monks and witches and YA literature retold as Wikipedia articles! In my pre-Toast life I always thought I was the only one. Tue, 28 Jun 2016 02:50:02 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/27/readers-toast-the-toast/#IDComment1024841062 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/20/link-roundup-595/#IDComment1024297682 Same :( Seriously considering setting an alarm to catch the tote sale. Mon, 20 Jun 2016 23:07:07 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/20/link-roundup-595/#IDComment1024297682 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/17/link-roundup-574/#IDComment1021330027 ME TOOOOO. Wed, 18 May 2016 02:05:36 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/17/link-roundup-574/#IDComment1021330027 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559860 Wow, thanks so much - that's a really interesting perspective, and one I've been lucky enough to never have to consider before. I'm glad you found something in the piece. Thank you for your comment <3 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:20:31 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559860 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559823 Thank you for this. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:19:48 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559823 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559787 Thank you so much, and I'm really sorry for your loss. My partner also never knew my mother and it is sometimes a real mindfuck. Your point about the 'self' not feeling continuous before and after your mom's death describes it perfectly. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:19:24 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559787 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559717 "It is still the most important thing about understanding myself." This. Yes. Definitely. Thank you for your comment! Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:17:59 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559717 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559695 Oh yes, I've read that! Actually in a remarkable piece of luck, I found it in a box of books that someone had left on the curb. Maybe it was meant to be :) I devoured it; it was almost a visceral relief to read something so relatable. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:17:33 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559695 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559622 Thank you for reading. I really appreciate your comment! Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:16:28 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559622 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559599 It means a lot to hear this. Feelings like these can be so isolating, but comments like yours have really made me so glad I wrote the piece! Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:16:00 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559599 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559563 Oh wow, thank you so much. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:15:06 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559563 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559540 I could relate to so much in your comment! Agree with the poster above - hang out on the Toast by all means. And as others have mentioned in the comments, tragic life events like these are traumatic, but they do shape you in a really important way. It might be cold comfort, but you'll never be in danger of having an 'average' life - which can be both a good and a bad thing. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:14:43 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559540 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559358 That's such a great way of putting it! Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:11:52 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559358 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559328 So glad you found something in the piece. Thanks for your comment. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:11:23 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559328 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559321 thank you <3 Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:11:11 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559321 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559312 Oh, definitely write it! I would love to read it. Writing this was scary and confronting because it's so personal, but reading all the great comments has made me realize there was nothing to be afraid of. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:11:01 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559312 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559241 Yes, this is interesting - I often wonder how my own children will view the fact of my motherlessness. I don't know anyone else who can shed light onto this, but it's a whole other layer for sure. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 11:09:45 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/02/18/on-motherlessness/#IDComment1013559241