haikuapprentice

haikuapprentice

61p

200 comments posted · 0 followers · following 0

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2021/01/... · 0 replies · +1 points

Thank you Alma - glad to help recapture those poignant childhood memories :)

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2021/01/... · 0 replies · +1 points

Thanks June

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2020/09/... · 5 replies · +3 points

What a terrific haiku, Bob!
The middle of summer and cicada's screaming is an experience I can really relate to. Happy memories of childhood holidays! But this is brutally juxtaposed with the bare central fact - the amusement park is permanently closed. I can hear the wail of disappointed children in that final cicada roar. But of course now the cicadas get to enjoy the park uninterrupted, so maybe the roar is one of delight. In both cases the poem is great!

One piece of advice I was given by a haiku master (thank you P.O.), and which greatly improved my own writing, was to stop using definite articles. My early haiku were full of redundant "the"s and I was delighted to discover removing them actually increased their poetry by allowing more ambiguity and interpretation. I think this verse would lose nothing if the first "the" was omitted. Then, for instance "closed-up" would still refer to the amusement park but also more readily allude to the cicada shell, from which the cicada breaks out. This opens my mind to contemplate the image of maturing cicadas, leaving the memory of their smaller-selves clinging to the tree-trunk. A cycle of rebirth and growth. The impossibility of returning to our earlier self. The hope of a reopening perhaps next year!

Many thanks again for sharing this lovely poem Bob.

Strider

3 years ago @ tinywords - Welcome to tinywords 20.2 · 0 replies · +1 points

Wonderful poems, well deserved winners!

3 years ago @ tinywords - Submissions for tinywo... · 0 replies · +1 points

colourblind
dog paints walls and trees
darker grey

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2020/04/... · 0 replies · +1 points

Mary, I certainly didn't intend to chastise you! I could sense your enthusiasm for the verse. And I am glad you commented - it is important to feel free to comment on this site especially when we read something which moves us!

My reply was intended more to reassure other, perhaps new writers of our beloved poetry form, that there is no prohibition against alliteration. I want poets exploring haiku not to be encumbered with imaginary "rules" or prohibitions, and to reassure them that if they are inspired with a verse which alliterates delightfully, they should not cross it out and start again simply on that basis.

I wish you peace and look forward to seeing more comments from you in the future! (and hopefully some of your own submissions)

Strider

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2020/04/... · 6 replies · +2 points

With respect Mary, what "purists" do you refer to who would allege alliteration is not part of "pure" haiku?

I personally consider the "purest" exponents of haiku would be the classical Japanese "four" greats - Basho, Buson, Issa and Shiki, and they used alliterative devices in their works when it suited them:

For instance Basho:
うたがふなうしほのはなもうらのはる
utagau na
ushiro no hana mo
ura no haru

do not be in doubt -
even the flowers of the tides
have spring in the inlets

And Shiki:
寒かろう痒かろう人に逢いたかろう
samukaroo kayukaroo hito ni aitakaroo

you must be cold
you must be itching
you must long to see people

I agree with Karen Butterworth, in English-language haiku:
"Alliteration can be a tribute to the music of language, and works that way as long as it does not distract from what the words say"

Padma's verse definitely meets that criteria

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2020/04/... · 0 replies · +2 points

Wow Sanjuktaa

You have really pleated together a magical verse in this one! Thank you for sharing it.

empty violin case busker hungry for applause

Strider

3 years ago @ tinywords - Auto Draft · 0 replies · +1 points

Wonderful verse Dave. I love the theme, which to me celebrates modern life emblemized through the humble oil drum.
A beautiful and artistic re-purposing of both the familiar "oil drum" for a poetic as well as musical use - inspiring better use of what we might take for granted.
Even vinyl records are made from oil!
And there is a dancing rhythm in this poem which carries us along - beyond the 3 lines and into the rest of the day.
Clever, inspiring poetry - thank you for sharing this Dave.

Strider

3 years ago @ tinywords - tinywords.com/2020/04/... · 0 replies · +1 points

A really neat "politiku" Gregory. I appreciate that poets can choose to make comment on political or cultural issues, though I do think this tends to make them less timeless and more purely contemporary.

I personally prefer the approach of the classical haiku masters in which the entire verse comprises observations directly related to natural phenomenon, rather than invoking abstract concepts,

glacier collapse
we feel the sea rise
and fall

Strider