en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/2120373 Comments by fartknocker http://wonkette.com/576228/all-about-the-dcks-your-florida-roundup#IDComment950552096 Jeb Bush/Katie Perry for President 2016 would make me happy while creating great drama in the Rick Perry campaign. Sat, 14 Feb 2015 17:10:07 +0000 http://wonkette.com/576228/all-about-the-dcks-your-florida-roundup#IDComment950552096 http://wonkette.com/576025/alabama-republican-says-gay-marriage-is-end-of-the-world-redneck-proves-hes-wrong#IDComment950067097 I will be sooo happy when this happens in Texas. Governor Greg Strangelove will declare a State of Emergency and require a mandatory Prayer-A-Pooloza at every High School arena and ask the electrical engineers at Texas A&M to design and construct a Gaydar app for all of our Obama phones. Thu, 12 Feb 2015 20:23:04 +0000 http://wonkette.com/576025/alabama-republican-says-gay-marriage-is-end-of-the-world-redneck-proves-hes-wrong#IDComment950067097 http://wonkette.com/575611/jeb-bushs-new-tech-genius-is-aware-of-all-internet-traditions-including-misogyny#IDComment949446904 Ethan reminds me of the shit stain that showed up one Friday night to take young Rebecca Fartknocker out on a date. About 2 hours later young Rebecca called Mrs. Fartknocker telling her that shit stain called my daughter the C-word. So now I had two upset women in Casa Fartknocker, meaning no samwiches for me until this issue was resolved. So, I went to young shit stain's house, woke up Mr. shit stain, explained my dilemma and was invited in to wake the pin dick up at 1:30 AM and explain to him the rules of engagement with the Fartknockers. He was also informed that if he every wanted to pro-create that he should maintain a 100 foot No Fartknocker exclusion zone unless he wanted to deal with the medical issue of his nut sack shoved into his sinus. Ethan is no more than a colostomy bag with a mouth. Tue, 10 Feb 2015 13:44:30 +0000 http://wonkette.com/575611/jeb-bushs-new-tech-genius-is-aware-of-all-internet-traditions-including-misogyny#IDComment949446904 http://wonkette.com/575436/ted-nugent-sarah-palin-is-the-dream-dr-king-and-the-founding-fathers-died-for#IDComment948949617 I believe this is the same guy who said he would be dead or in jail if the Black Kenyan Usurper was elected as POTUS. He's like Sarah because he also doesn't follow through on his promises. Sun, 8 Feb 2015 19:01:45 +0000 http://wonkette.com/575436/ted-nugent-sarah-palin-is-the-dream-dr-king-and-the-founding-fathers-died-for#IDComment948949617 http://wonkette.com/575400/the-sarah-palin-fartknocker-report-sarah-sees-syria-by-the-seashore#IDComment948823392 What a bad experiment I promoted. Hypothesis = Sara is confirmed batshit. Exitorix please advise if I need to beef up the staff liquor stipend. And I hope ba-be is awesome and healthy. Sun, 8 Feb 2015 07:09:12 +0000 http://wonkette.com/575400/the-sarah-palin-fartknocker-report-sarah-sees-syria-by-the-seashore#IDComment948823392 http://wonkette.com/575229/americans-cool-with-gay-marriage-but-the-gays-should-not-have-cake-or-flowers#IDComment948401402 I support this so long I have the right to force you to take your gun home because you like walking around town sporting your AR-15 in my grocery store all while screaming about your 2nd amendment rights. Now if it's is lesbian gun owners who are making out while sporting AR-15s, they are clearly exempt because they are publicly displaying their affection. Fri, 6 Feb 2015 14:33:56 +0000 http://wonkette.com/575229/americans-cool-with-gay-marriage-but-the-gays-should-not-have-cake-or-flowers#IDComment948401402 http://wonkette.com/575109/vermont-proposes-official-latin-motto-wingnuts-tell-vermont-to-go-back-to-mexico#IDComment948169306 I suspect many of those folks on My Face Space are also ardent supporters of TundraTwat. Thu, 5 Feb 2015 18:29:06 +0000 http://wonkette.com/575109/vermont-proposes-official-latin-motto-wingnuts-tell-vermont-to-go-back-to-mexico#IDComment948169306 http://wonkette.com/574722/bristol-palin-begs-legislators-to-save-america-from-federal-tyranny#IDComment947289199 When I was growing up my mom made sure I received all my vaccines. You should check with your doctor and check for a Palin Talking Stupid Disorder (PTSD) vaccine. In Austin, we found duct tape works well. Mon, 2 Feb 2015 20:26:24 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574722/bristol-palin-begs-legislators-to-save-america-from-federal-tyranny#IDComment947289199 http://wonkette.com/574701/america-embarks-on-dumbest-science-debate-ever#IDComment947275588 For at least one focused group of Americans we can change the vaccine delivery system. For ammosexuals, we at the Abortionplex are working on a new play area called "Vax&Cap" where, under the supervision of a licensed doctor (not an ophthalmologist) that takes care of lady parts, we will construct a 1,500 square foot indoor shooting range where you use tranquilizer guns to deliver vaccines (Vax) in your child's ass (Cap). Remember kids, you can run but you can't hide from a responsible gun owner, regardless if its bullets or vaccines. Mon, 2 Feb 2015 19:20:12 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574701/america-embarks-on-dumbest-science-debate-ever#IDComment947275588 http://wonkette.com/574663/georgia-senate-demands-a-p-history-only-teach-about-shiny-happy-america#IDComment947255627 Will they learn about Asymptote, because that sounds like one of them bars where gays go for butt sechs. Mon, 2 Feb 2015 17:48:36 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574663/georgia-senate-demands-a-p-history-only-teach-about-shiny-happy-america#IDComment947255627 http://wonkette.com/574536/michigan-teabagger-cites-magna-carta-eternal-rights-of-man-in-epic-fight-over-seating-chart#IDComment946348775 Petulant whiny pin dick wants to be the keynote RNC speaker that talks to a chair. Fri, 30 Jan 2015 21:02:04 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574536/michigan-teabagger-cites-magna-carta-eternal-rights-of-man-in-epic-fight-over-seating-chart#IDComment946348775 http://wonkette.com/574462/texas-republican-knows-teachers-need-to-do-a-little-killing-sometimes-for-the-kids#IDComment946325318 George Zimmerman is now qualified to be a high school gym teacher in Texas. Fri, 30 Jan 2015 19:07:31 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574462/texas-republican-knows-teachers-need-to-do-a-little-killing-sometimes-for-the-kids#IDComment946325318 http://wonkette.com/574438/crazy-anti-energy-drinks-lady-horning-in-on-nice-texas-bigots-anti-muslim-protests#IDComment946249877 I guess she didn't know that the the LED light bulbs installed in the tail lights of her 1998 Chevrolet Suburban are shaped like a pentagram. Yup, that was designed by a Muslin engineer. Fri, 30 Jan 2015 14:01:19 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574438/crazy-anti-energy-drinks-lady-horning-in-on-nice-texas-bigots-anti-muslim-protests#IDComment946249877 http://wonkette.com/574288/gun-nuts-just-want-moms-address-to-say-howdy-probably#IDComment945733480 Oh goody, a 2nd Amendment ammosexual is going to waltz right into the Texas State Capital during the legislative session, and with his concealed weapon (which is allowed under State law), have a nice, loud discussion with a Texas Representative. I'm fairly sure the magic safety buttons are not installed. This should go really well. Wed, 28 Jan 2015 22:51:48 +0000 http://wonkette.com/574288/gun-nuts-just-want-moms-address-to-say-howdy-probably#IDComment945733480 http://wonkette.com/573911/goodbye-northeast-united-states-can-we-have-your-stuff#IDComment945037157 When it snows like this in New York, does that cause the brown bear nut sack on Donnie Trumps head to begin hibernation? Mon, 26 Jan 2015 19:05:09 +0000 http://wonkette.com/573911/goodbye-northeast-united-states-can-we-have-your-stuff#IDComment945037157 http://wonkette.com/573788/the-fartknocker-report-sarah-palin-rewrites-mcdonalds-ad-real-good-like#IDComment944711136 Sarah's bloviations, if measured by calorific energy, would equal 2 Big Macs with extra special sauce, 4 orders of McAnus fries, and a tanker filled with Mountain Dew. Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:34:37 +0000 http://wonkette.com/573788/the-fartknocker-report-sarah-palin-rewrites-mcdonalds-ad-real-good-like#IDComment944711136 http://wonkette.com/572908/muslims-condemn-terrorism-get-southern-hospitality-texas-style-it-is-a-bad-style#IDComment942898774 As a Texan the best way to win the hearts and minds of Garland white folks is open carrying a firearm and selling a raffle ticket where a family of 8 can have all you can eat at the Luby's on Jupiter Road. Tue, 20 Jan 2015 00:27:08 +0000 http://wonkette.com/572908/muslims-condemn-terrorism-get-southern-hospitality-texas-style-it-is-a-bad-style#IDComment942898774 http://wonkette.com/572864/forget-bushes-and-clintons-john-mccain-will-start-dynasty-with-illegitimate-son-lindsey-graham#IDComment942792334 Keep fucking that cruise missile Miss Lyndsay. Mon, 19 Jan 2015 16:41:15 +0000 http://wonkette.com/572864/forget-bushes-and-clintons-john-mccain-will-start-dynasty-with-illegitimate-son-lindsey-graham#IDComment942792334 http://wonkette.com/572724/airlines-suddenly-flush-will-now-master-industry-practice-of-screwing-over-employees-also-customers#IDComment942775254 I quit flying the big 4 who control 80% of available seats years ago. When I fly (and I try to avoid it whenever practical) I only use Southwest. If I'm going to fly with the unwashed masses, at least it's good to know they won't lose my bags, while they feed me peanuts and low cost alcoholic beverages all while enjoying time in an aluminum incubator with sniveling kids, flatulence, and a couple of potential Ebola carriers. Plus, it's so fun reading the Sky Mall magazine, which has some awesome welcome mats for Chairman Meow's litter box. Mon, 19 Jan 2015 15:24:42 +0000 http://wonkette.com/572724/airlines-suddenly-flush-will-now-master-industry-practice-of-screwing-over-employees-also-customers#IDComment942775254 http://wonkette.com/572816/feisty-liberal-obama-plans-to-tax-the-hell-out-of-rich-people#IDComment942768373 This is not good news for Rafalca. Mon, 19 Jan 2015 14:56:47 +0000 http://wonkette.com/572816/feisty-liberal-obama-plans-to-tax-the-hell-out-of-rich-people#IDComment942768373