If I were a wizard, the most powerful spell I would have up my sleeve would be the SOW spell aka “Sleeve of Wizard” spell. This spell would only affect women, causing them to have private parts like a sleeve of a wizard (thank you, Borat). It’s the best spell because even if you cast it on a dude, it’ll automatically translate to any chick he’s the closest with. Thus, causing the woman to be so loose that any possibility of conceiving a child would be thrown out the window(along with the lube.) All in all, SOW would cause world populations to plummet and thus solve our problem of excessive pollution and celebrity adoptions of foreign children.

I would definitely create a Segway transformer. Despite popular belief, Segways ARE vehicles. I would call him Charles the transformer just b/c Charles is such a douche name and Segway riders are douches also. Charles would use every available line from Paul Blart Mall Cop and just to reinforce any doubt that he is in fact the douchiest of all Autobots, Charles' weapon of choice would be the daily hazing of younger entry-level transformers via Old School's penis + rope + weight = initiation. To top things off, Charles the Segway transformer would be the douchest color a man can wear: pink. Charles would be the only transformer whose armor would resemble human clothing. He would have multiple "collars" all of which are different shades of pink, and all of which are popped.