en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/3537542 Comments by cynicaloptmst81 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/03/03/pharrells-g-r-l-album-cover-controversy-ugly-truth-colorism-black-community/#IDComment800959332 Thanks Streetz....my beef with the beef exactly. Now, I actually thought the lady in the back looked black from the jump. Either way, I felt like the first thing to do would have been to ASK if there were any black women on the cover. Why no one bothered to do that before spazzing out, I don't know. I feel bad about how the black woman on the cover must be feeling...and the fact that no one seems to care about her feelings in this beef. Tue, 4 Mar 2014 15:24:10 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/03/03/pharrells-g-r-l-album-cover-controversy-ugly-truth-colorism-black-community/#IDComment800959332 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/28/five-pieces-advice-wish-give-younger/#IDComment799544089 It sure is! My fav reminder from the list... Fri, 28 Feb 2014 17:21:34 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/28/five-pieces-advice-wish-give-younger/#IDComment799544089 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/27/women-guys-dont-count/#IDComment799189213 That MSU jab hurt, yo, lolol... But, I never stayed on campus so I can neither confirm or deny, lol... Def a solid break down though... Thu, 27 Feb 2014 19:04:52 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/27/women-guys-dont-count/#IDComment799189213 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/26/looking-person-relationship/#IDComment798756598 I think being honest with yourself about who you are and are not is step one. It's the first thing you need to do in order to get a strong stance about your position/choices in life. Do that correctly, and what society says won't matter...and not in a "what society says doesn't affect me" kind of way, but in a "what society says won't dictate what I do or don't do" kind of way". If you really know and accept who you are...and you're good with who you are, then you won't be comfortable conforming. I don't think what I'm saying conflicts with the post at all. *shrugs* Wed, 26 Feb 2014 16:27:02 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/26/looking-person-relationship/#IDComment798756598 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/26/looking-person-relationship/#IDComment798742345 I think you hit the nail on the head. People aren't honest with themselves about who they are, what they want, and what will or won't work for them. There's a conflict between what it is and what they feel things should be...and the conflict should be resolved before they make any permanent moves. This is why we need to take time getting to know people and have a clear perspective of what we want...so we can see this type of conflict when it exists in the person we are dating and walk away. Know thyself and to thine own self, be true. Set goals you can achieve. Have people around you that are aligned with you (values, vision, etc.). Makes like peaceful and helps it to go a lot smoother... Wed, 26 Feb 2014 15:37:36 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/26/looking-person-relationship/#IDComment798742345 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/21/men-women-relationship-experts/#IDComment797103823 Personal experiences and personalities def skew what people take away from blog entries/comments. So, yeah, arguing can be pointless b/c we don't fully see why people view things the way they do. And the "why" (or details) matters when it comes to actually winning an argument. W/o seeing the full picture to refute or affirm the root of certain perceptions, most arguments just drag on. That's why I fall back on "we can agree to disagree" fairly quickly. But opinion pieces are just that. You don't need to be an expert to have or give an opinion. "At a certain age, it’s your fault that you screwed up your relationship." So true!!! And some folks argue simply to try to play this truth down. And the word "relationship" can be replaced with "dating life". Comparing this quote with #3, if you own your faults, it makes sense to want to address them (change) and increase your odds of relationship/dating success in the future. Not a massive overhaul of yourself per se...but def tweaking the areas that need improvements. Fri, 21 Feb 2014 21:27:53 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/21/men-women-relationship-experts/#IDComment797103823 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/21/men-women-relationship-experts/#IDComment797090420 "The best advice is use your own judgment and be realistic, but its hard to sell books with 7 words in it." LOL Fri, 21 Feb 2014 20:29:20 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/21/men-women-relationship-experts/#IDComment797090420 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/21/girl-code-exception-rule/#IDComment797082359 Maybe I read the post wrong, but I thought she differentiated between real friends (#1) and real relationships (#2-4). I didn't get the sense that she was suggesting women trample over women's true feelings for a man she was really close with/in a relationship with. I agree with the premise of the post...that women need to emotionally release men that you only had a shallow dealing with (what you built up in your mind doesn't count) back into the dating pool completely. Emotionally holding on to a situation that barely got off the ground serves us how? In my opinion, if you're really over it and you and that girl aren't even friends friends like that, it won't and shouldn't matter to you. And, if you aren't over it, that's your problem to deal with. You can't make other folks responsible for your issues. Again, not speaking about your real friends or real past relationships... Fri, 21 Feb 2014 19:55:44 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/21/girl-code-exception-rule/#IDComment797082359 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/men-hate-dates-dishonest-woman/#IDComment797072917 Wow. LMBO!!!!!!!!!! Fri, 21 Feb 2014 19:16:00 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/men-hate-dates-dishonest-woman/#IDComment797072917 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/praying-closed-doors/#IDComment796765687 "I think the (dis) carries a negative connotation. There’s nothing wrong with discontent. It is the driver of progression and goals." I 1000% agree with that statement. All while still standing by my comment, lol. When I used the term content, I was referring to the "pleased and satisfied" part of the definition. I am pleased and satisfied when I am working toward/reaching goals that I set for myself (or my relationship). This is possible. We can agree to disagree on that, lol. Discontentment can be bad if it doesn't have any boundaries or limitations ever though. For instance, no woman ever pleases/satisfies you, you can't stay at a job more than 9 mos., you move every 12 mos., etc.. There can be a harmful extreme (constantly needing more) to being discontent...as is the case with contentment (never wanting more) as well. As with most things in life, balance is key. How that balance plays out in our lives def varies though. Thu, 20 Feb 2014 21:05:03 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/praying-closed-doors/#IDComment796765687 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/praying-closed-doors/#IDComment796742498 You know I had this whole response typed up that I had to delete once I saw Bree's comment, LOL! What she said, lol. I'm content when I'm moving forward/growing/progressing. I'm discontent when I'm stagnant. When relationships become stagnant, I'm out...and looking for another open door. Relationships work best for me when we are progressing...individually and together...setting goals and reaching them. Thu, 20 Feb 2014 19:19:37 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/praying-closed-doors/#IDComment796742498 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/men-hate-dates-dishonest-woman/#IDComment796699436 I can't speak for anyone else, but I value my time and I respect my own truth...as well as others. So, I don't do this. If I'm not really interested in a guy, I do not accept his invitation to go on a date/chill, etc. and I limit our interactions until he's accepted how I feel (which generally makes him go away). Now, if it's clear that we're just friends and that's all that's on the table, I go and, when the bill comes, I pull out my card to pay my share. Now, if he insists on paying, I do NOT block my blessing, lol. I have male friends that are down to hang when I need male company. No expectations and no extra "so wussup" stuff. And, sometimes, my male friends insist on paying anyway...cause I'm a good friend and they want to be nice. :-) Thu, 20 Feb 2014 16:07:51 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/men-hate-dates-dishonest-woman/#IDComment796699436 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/praying-closed-doors/#IDComment796689481 I can soooo identify with this post!!!! LOL. But, God has me in a place now where, instead of closing doors (...although I'm still begging Him to, lol), I shut the door myself because I've discerned that a situation isn't right for me. He's not closing anything in this season. It's so frustrating, lol. It'd be so much easier if He'd just shut doors. But, in the words of a close friend, "God wants us to choose Him." Put another way, God wants us to choose to do the right thing...and not be forced into doing it cause it was no longer an option. Thu, 20 Feb 2014 15:24:08 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/20/praying-closed-doors/#IDComment796689481 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/13/valentines-day-chronicles-good-day-black-sexy/#IDComment796036357 *applause* Enjoyed these, Pops! Good stuff... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 15:17:54 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/13/valentines-day-chronicles-good-day-black-sexy/#IDComment796036357 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/10/wanted-date-job/#IDComment793809499 "You'd be surprised how much truth comes out if you ask a man directly." Yes, indeed!!!! Tue, 11 Feb 2014 17:00:17 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/10/wanted-date-job/#IDComment793809499 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/10/wanted-date-job/#IDComment793809104 She just said she was disappointed. She never said he was wrong for not being interested in her romantically. You seem very emotional about this...all up in your feelings with the all caps and such...and the name calling... This reminds me of our conversation about which traits are more masculine or feminine... ...never mind. ;-) Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:58:27 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/10/wanted-date-job/#IDComment793809104 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/10/benefits-of-counseling-therapy/#IDComment793512801 I'm with Pops. Not only am I an advocate for counseling, but I have bi-weekly counseling sessions to this day. I think part of the issue is the term, mental illness. Mental illness is not the only reason to seek counseling. I don't have a mental illness, but I do have flaws...we all do! I initially went to counseling because I realized that my inability to trust or be vulnerable to people was a hinderance for me. Life gave me LOTS of reasons to only depend on a few people. When I found myself in a situation that I found unpleasant because this issue, I sought help to work through it. It's been a 2-yr journey of healing and growth that I wouldn't trade for anything. The peace that I have now is priceless to me. Stinking thinking can be just as destructive as mental illness. Having someone to help you sort through your thoughts/beliefs so that you can determine which are good for you now and which you need to let go of can literally transform your life. #witness Mon, 10 Feb 2014 17:02:52 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/10/benefits-of-counseling-therapy/#IDComment793512801 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/07/7-things-learned-shameless-girls-house-lies/#IDComment792636249 You've been killing these lists, yo. #3 is true. Everyone is inherently flawed. But, lots of men have trouble owning the one that makes them feel the most vulnerable. When you can own it (and even when you can't), we go into nurturer mode. We want to help you through it. We feel needed. It's definitely a lure...that can have horrible consequences, lol. #4 is definitely something that men really need to grasp and stop thinking you just can't be honest with us for whatever reason. I'd actually say that A and C are probably the most common responses, lolol. She really will love you MORE for telling the truth...even if it hurts her. And about #7, my kids are 9 and 6...we have not talked about chex. The only thing that I've told them is that it is a great thing (not nasty) and that they are too young to put too much thought into it...that it has it's place in marriage and that when they are old enough, we will discuss it in depth. And also, if someone tries to do anything chexual with them, they are to inform us parentals so we can kill (as in murder) everyone involved, LOL. Fri, 7 Feb 2014 15:57:31 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/07/7-things-learned-shameless-girls-house-lies/#IDComment792636249 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/06/valentines-day-chronicles-robin-givens-livin/#IDComment792305885 *swoons* ...yeah, that would've worked, LOL. Girrrrrrrl, I hope you're reading this. I think Pops is still feeling some kind of way! MmmHmm! Thu, 6 Feb 2014 15:32:22 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/06/valentines-day-chronicles-robin-givens-livin/#IDComment792305885 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/06/valentines-day-chronicles-robin-givens-livin/#IDComment792303451 Jesus, how old was that girl???? LOL. I hope you've moved on since then... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 15:21:48 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2014/02/06/valentines-day-chronicles-robin-givens-livin/#IDComment792303451