en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/767531 Comments by bpf132 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/letter-from-an-inmate__trashed/#IDComment69859295 This article really touched me. It is so interesting to think about how their actions in society as a free person would be like if they were released today. And I have to agree with you, free people sometimes tend to lack compassion towards each other. You have to wonder how their behaviors and ideals have changed since they arrived in prison. Although the crime he committed must be punished, it is a shame that we cannot come up with an evaluation system that can determine who truly could be a beneficial part of society. Its really too bad that this man will never be able to share his experiences with others, maybe as a public speaker or an activist, using his experiences in prison to teach others. Fri, 23 Apr 2010 02:46:19 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/letter-from-an-inmate__trashed/#IDComment69859295 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/letter-from-an-inmate__trashed/#IDComment69855857 It is interesting to think about how their actions in society as a free person would pan out. And I have to agree with you, free people sometimes tend to lack compassion towards each other. You have to wonder how their behaviors and ideals have changed since they arrived in prison. Although the crime he committed must be punished, it is a shame that we cannot come up with an evaluation system that can determine who truly could be a beneficial part of society. Its really too bad that this man will never be able to share his experiences with others, maybe as a public speaker or an activist like you said. Fri, 23 Apr 2010 02:12:42 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/letter-from-an-inmate__trashed/#IDComment69855857 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/letter-from-an-inmate__trashed/#IDComment69855483 In today's society, it is so simple for us to hear about a man in prison for first degree murder, serving a life sentence, and think, "well, he deserved it. he committed a crime, took away someone's life, and now he has to deal with the consequences." While it is hard to think otherwise, especially when dealing with something as heavy as murder, it is positive to think about it from the perspective of the person who committed the crime. We make mistakes all the time, no matter how good or bad of a person we may be. This was a young man, not very educated, at least not at a high school level, who made a very poor life decision and must bear his consequences everyday for the rest of his life. It is hard for us to relate because we sit there and think "well, i never killed somebody, thats his fault", but sometimes we have to look from a different view. Say for example you had a few drinks and decided you were in good enough shape to drive yourself and a friend home. You get in a car accident and (god forbid, but for the sake of a hypothetical situation) you kill the person driving the other car. Are you a murderer? By definition, yes. Naturally you deeply regret your decision and wish you had not driven your car. But that one little decision that you made has now taken away someone elses life, someones child, husband, wife, friend, grandma, etc. Maybe when this guy committed his murder, mind you he was a young man, he had a lapse in judgement. Not to justify any murder, but the point is who knows what kind of person he is. He clearly still exhibits compassion just like, if not more than, someone who is free and not serving a life sentence. Sometimes looking at people in jail as people who made bad decisions is more practical than thinking of them as people who are monsterous humans. The story of compassion that this particular man tells in the letter is very humbling. That even though his life is monotomous and every day for the rest of his life will be spent in a jail cell, compassion is not dead. He is capable of sincere emotions that sometimes free people decline to feel. While what he did many years ago was terrible and he can never take back his actions, he can proceed to live his life trying to repent and remain a sincere human being. Writing this letter was very noble of him and has provided me with a new outlook on how although he is serving a life sentence, he still can be a genuine person. I would like to talk to a "lifer" and see if other people have feelings similar to him. Fri, 23 Apr 2010 02:08:39 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/letter-from-an-inmate__trashed/#IDComment69855483 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/what-about-the-men__trashed/#IDComment68104315 That is true. Girls are constantly feeling the need to better themselves, myself included, to live up to what is "ideal". While its easy to say "I just don't give a shit", the truth is, we do give a shit. If you do not feel good about yourself or feel like you are not matching up to what it is you want to be, it is hard to fake confidence. Girls will be girls, we will feel threatened by our friends and others looking better than us, having a better body, a prettier face, better clothes, a hotter boyfriend, the list can go on forever. Girls are emotional by nature and constantly want to please the societal ideals. Wed, 14 Apr 2010 23:04:15 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/what-about-the-men__trashed/#IDComment68104315 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/what-about-the-men__trashed/#IDComment68103788 This question definitely has a two fold answer. Looking at it from a psychology point of view, both men and women are taught from birth that they should perform in the way society deems acceptable. Our gender performance models come from our society. When we are born, girls are dressed in pink and wear dresses and bows. They play with dolls and barbies and learn that girls are not supposed to play rough or get dirty. Boys are taught to be rugged, not to cry, and to be like dad. Before children can even speak, their identities have been molded by their parents to perform their gender. So what happens when a boy grows up, goes through puberty, becomes a young man, and realizes that this is not the way he wants to act? What if he does not like girls, does not like doing handiwork, and does not want to fulfill the macho man stereotype? Either he accepts himself as different and acts how he feels is right, or he conforms to what society wants and denies his true identity. In this situation, a man may be considered to have just as difficult a time as a woman filling societies standards. However, in comparison to women, men seem to have it easier. If a woman is crude and rough around the edges, she is considered an outcast much faster than men. I feel that women have a much higher standard to appeal to than men. Especially due to the fact that women are constantly competing in a man's world, the pressure to be what society deems the "ideal woman" is very demanding. A woman must reach above and beyond to get the education, get the job, raise a family, all while remaining classy and acting like a stereotypical trophy wife. An example we can relate to as college students works well to support this point. Let's say its the weekend and there is a big party to go to. A girl goes out, and trying to conform and keep up with the boys she drinks too much. She spends the night in the bathroom throwing up and draws a lot of negative attention to herself. When she wakes up in the morning not remembering anything, she feels terrible. Her friends and people at the party make fun of her and she feels awful about herself. But say this happens to a guy. Let's say he goes out, gets absolutely wasted, smashes his hand through a window and passes out on his friends couch. He wakes up in the morning with high fives and is complemented by his friends for being such a badass when he was shitfaced. The double standard is always an issue across genders, hence why I believe men usually have it slightly easier than women. Wed, 14 Apr 2010 23:00:09 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/04/what-about-the-men__trashed/#IDComment68103788 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/those-damn-dolls__trashed/#IDComment64726222 I agree with you. I almost started crying when the little girl identified as the black doll after saying it was the "bad" doll. That was so sad, especially because she was so young. It is obvious that the media plays an extremely large role in what we think about race and what is good or bad at such a young age. Its such a shame that we can never be happy with the way we are. Like you said, white people wanting to be tan, little black girls wanting to be white. The grass is always greener on the other side. Mon, 29 Mar 2010 23:09:47 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/those-damn-dolls__trashed/#IDComment64726222 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/the-white-minorities__trashed/#IDComment64725799 This article is mostly interesting to me due to the fact that it is stating the inevitable. There is a great rise in the number of minorities in the United States, and this has been happening for the past few decades. The fact that the numbers are increasing should not have that great of an impact on our everyday lives. The article states they are not sure when that "benchmark" number of 50 percent will be passed, and they predict this will happen by 2012. My question is: why should is matter the exact number? Not that it is a bad or good thing the number of white people versus the number of non white people in the United States, but why is the exact time that the majority flip is so important? I guess I just do not see this affecting us all that much, but maybe I am just naive to the consequences. The article talks about older elderly white people and their effect on the ballots, in areas such as taxes for ethnic schools. If the birth rate of non-hispanic whites declines and the minority becomes the minority, that may be an effect we have to address. It is a shame to think that in this day and age people would want to deprive children just because of their race. As a white person, I do not feel any concern regarding the fact that birth rates will cause whiles to be the minority. I don't think having a bunch of babies adding to the numbers of people who are not white to create the new majority is really going to effect our daily lives. While the numbers may make white people the minority, that does not mean all the sudden there is going to be a takeover by those who become the majority. We have a troubled past as Americans for our behaviors to races that were not white. We can review the history of America over and over and as white people be made to feel guilty for slavery and oppression, but the past is in the past. White people do possess a lot of power in America, but so do others. We are making changes in how we view others and they are moving into power positions. But it is not because the birth rate is rising. It is because they are smart, successful people who are qualified in what they are doing. Without articles and census results telling us that white people are becoming the minority, I doubt most of the American people would notice these things. I am interested to see what comes about with this change, if anything. We need to stop focusing on things like majority and minority and focus on unifying and making things fair for everyone. Mon, 29 Mar 2010 23:06:15 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/the-white-minorities__trashed/#IDComment64725799 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/nothing-about-the-census-is-easy__trashed/#IDComment64720717 Anyone in America can say they are offended by the census. Its a very generalized survey that is supposed to be simple. There are so many different types of White, Black, Hispanic, Asian, etc., it is hard to keep everyone happy. People need to just check the damn box and get over it. The people who wrote it are trying to not offend anyone, and in America that is a hard thing to do. Until people can come up with a way to keep everyone satisfied, just fill out the census as accurately as possible and stop blaming people for making it offensive. Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:24:52 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/nothing-about-the-census-is-easy__trashed/#IDComment64720717 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/in-her-own-words__trashed/#IDComment64271157 Its almost funny to admit how sweet that sounds. Your girlfriend is lucky that you are so understanding. For something that causes women to be a total bitch sometimes for nearly two weeks out of every month, it is nice to see a guy who accepts the fact that it is natural and theres really nothing we can do about it. Guys can be so grossed out about blood and tampons and whatnot but semen is pretty gross too and girls generally don't complain about it. Girls buying tampons is similar to guys buying condoms. Sometimes you feel weird doing it but its totally necessary. Fri, 26 Mar 2010 23:54:43 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/in-her-own-words__trashed/#IDComment64271157 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/in-her-own-words__trashed/#IDComment64270485 I like that Sam came out and bluntly talked about periods. Like he said, its totally natural. There is nothing we can do about it but accept the fact that sometimes it totally sucks and we wanna punch everyone that makes a note of the fact that we are moody. Get over it, its hormones. Its really annoying how some males undermine how painful it can actually be. Sometimes its so totally debilitating its impossible to leave the bed. Thanks Sam for talking about it and understanding women. More guys should understand it, especially considering its necessary for us to have if we ever want to have a baby. Fri, 26 Mar 2010 23:48:00 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/in-her-own-words__trashed/#IDComment64270485 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/those-damn-dolls__trashed/#IDComment64269094 I just watched this video again and showed it to my friends. They were totally shocked to see this and one was brought to tears. it is amazing the impact that advertising has on our mentality. The media gives us the idea that the typical, perfect girl is blonde haired, blue eyed, and stick thin, like Barbie. I recall when I was a child around Christmas time I was visited by Santa (who was actually my grandpa dressed in the suit). My cousins and I all received Barbies as our one gift on Christmas Eve. I will never forget the look on my cousins face when she received a black Barbie and my other cousins and I received white Barbies. She actually cried and threw a fit because her doll was "different". As a young girl, I was also confused by the doll. It didnt look like us, I didnt understand why there was a dark skinned Barbie. To us, it was a fake version of our other white Barbies. I recall that as a white girl, and having little to no exposure with people who didnt look just like me the fact that I was confused can be considered the mistake of an immature youth. However, I am amazed that the young black children identify the white doll as being good and the black doll as being bad. When the little girl in the video calls the black doll bad and then identifies as looking like the black doll, I felt so bad. Why is it that a child would think they are "bad" looking for being black? As a black child, presumably growing up in a black household, I would think that the child would assume that someone who looks like her family members and siblings and herself as the norm and the "good" doll. The factors that caused this study to have the outcome that it did can be directly tracked to media norms. When a child is watching TV or reading books and the characters are all white, they assume that white is good because it is showcased the most. Until this year, all of the Disney princesses have had white skin and typical white features. This study proves that our brains are programmed from a young age to stereotype and make assumptions about people based solely on outer appearance. It is so sad that a little girl or boy could think they look "bad" because they dont look like everyone else. This goes to show that we need to teach about diversity at a very young age. If children learn in the home when they are very young that not all people look the same, they will better understand that diversity is okay. Just because someone looks different or is a different color than them, it does not make them bad people. Fri, 26 Mar 2010 23:38:56 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/those-damn-dolls__trashed/#IDComment64269094 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/prom-or-no-prom-just-dont-let-the-queer-students-dance-together__trashed/#IDComment63083507 The fact that a girl is not allowed to bring her girlfriend to prom is absolutely ridiculous. The school board should have no right to judge what is an “acceptable” relationship. I understand if the only reason the school prohibited a lesbian couple at the dance was because they were concerned about the safety of the girls (safety as in if they thought other students were going to harass them). However, this is not the case. Also, what does the school care if a girl wants to wear a tuxedo? This is 2010. Girls should be allowed to wear whatever they want to their own prom. If a girl wants to wear a tuxedo and dance with her girlfriend—she should damn well be able to do it. Sat, 20 Mar 2010 01:46:46 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/prom-or-no-prom-just-dont-let-the-queer-students-dance-together__trashed/#IDComment63083507 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/does-this-rudeness-thing-cut-both-ways__trashed/#IDComment63079006 being raised in new jersey has one plus besides being able to fist pump like a champ: we can take a joke. when i read the texts displayed in front of the class that say "orange" or "ed hardy" regarding white people, i cant help but laugh. people are so serious sometimes when it comes to race, religion, etc. everyone is equally capable of being made fun of, whether your black, white, asian, jewish, christian, etc. as long as its not truly mean, we need to start brushing it off. i hear way more jersey jokes than i do black jokes, and to honest, they are funnier when they are slightly true. laughing it off helps much more then getting pissed about it. Sat, 20 Mar 2010 01:05:04 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/does-this-rudeness-thing-cut-both-ways__trashed/#IDComment63079006 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/what-to-do-about-white-guilt__trashed/#IDComment63077538 As a white girl, i really dont know how i feel about white guilt. i constantly hear the term and i do not know how to respond to it. i walk around everyday and see people of different races, however i do not judge them because of they are not white. I never feel as though i am better, in fact i feel more often that i am being judged. i have blonde hair and blue eyes and i am as white as white can be, and i hear people who are not white making comments about me daily. I believe its people in general being judgemental of others that we don not know. Stereotypes take over how we think and view people who look different than us. in this day and age, i think that we need to move past the idea that white people have an advantage in any aspect of life. there are so many different types of people, especially living in america. most of us cannot even track our heritage back to the countries our ancestors originated from. i can personally name 8 countries my grandparents can track back our roots to. its not about being black or white or hispanic or asian or whatever, its about the relationships you establish with people. My best friend is Hispanic, her parents are both from mexico, and she forgets to identify herself as Hispanic rather than white. especially in america, who the hell knows where their ancestors came from some of the time? Im from new jersey and I am the butt of all of my friends’ jokes, no matter what their color is. i think we need to move on and focus on the present and future. i had nothing to do with the past treatment of people who are not white, why should i feel guilty? i have plenty of black friends and they dont blame me for the treatment of their ancestors. the idea of white guilt is so racist. we should be able to cohabit without feeling remorse for events that occurred in the past. while the situations may have not been ideal, society today is not based on the behaviors of the people who lived in america in the past. almost every group of people have faced some sort of scrutiny in the past, but today we focus on Americans and slavery in the past. If white guilt is what we are supposed to be feeling, then why don’t we feel bad for irish people who were given terrible jobs and working conditions in the nineteen and twentieth centuries? Its seriously time for us to start focusing on other things besides the importance of skin color. Sat, 20 Mar 2010 00:52:19 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/what-to-do-about-white-guilt__trashed/#IDComment63077538 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/whats-with-the-theme-parties__trashed/#IDComment61610012 I completely agree with this. Theme parties are for anyone creative enough to come up a fun idea or use one of the many from the past, not just for white people. My black friend loves theme parties and often is the one getting them started up in the first place. If theme parties were racist, then they must also have a ton of other issues. I am from New Jersey, do I get offended when people have guido and guidette jersey shore parties? No, I put on a skanky dress and way to much bronzer and I rock a bumpit. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:52:17 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/whats-with-the-theme-parties__trashed/#IDComment61610012 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/whats-with-the-theme-parties__trashed/#IDComment61608670 This question definitely pissed me off a little. Who is to say that theme parties are for white people only? Theme parties do not discriminate against who is allowed to have them. While many theme parties can be considered derogotory, who is to say that it is towards black people? I have been to many themed parties, and not one has been racist. If you think that theme parties are for white people and are demeaning to black people, maybe try googling ideas for a themed party or look at pictures from theme parties. Mostly all of them are done in good fun and are not done in a vicious manner. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:47:21 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/whats-with-the-theme-parties__trashed/#IDComment61608670 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/are-whites-the-only-people-willing-to-humiliate-themselves__trashed/#IDComment61606840 This was a very interesting point that I, as well as other people I am sure, have never even thought to explore before taking a race relations class. The bachelor and the bachellorette shows have both featured only white men or white women as their target singles looking to be wed and have generally used a majority of white suitors as well. However, I think the description Sam gave to justify this generally sums up the reasons for this choice that the creators of the show have made: the audience watching shows in prime time, such as the bachelor, are generally middle aged or older crowds. "The bachelor" is targeted to please even the most fickle audiences, which is most likely why they leave the bisexual, gay, exotic, and controversial shows to other networks that target younger, more accepting audiences. If you asked a group of high school or college aged kids what their dating reality show of choice is, a likely answer would be one such as "For the Love of Ray J" or "A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila". Those shows are very popular in the teen to young adult aged population. They are featured on networks that target youth, such as VH1 and MTV. These networks thrive on creating shows that stir up some level of controversy. On “A Double Shot of Love”, producers brought in two blonde bimbos with DD cup boobs to feature as the bisexual twins looking for love. For this particular show, the level of sex appeal and the desire to know which girl would end up with a man and which would end up with a woman drove audiences wild. For other dating shows similar to this, they feature young music stars that are outspoken and attractive looking to be set up with the man or woman of their dreams. The group of suitors almost always consists of a carefully casted group of men and women ranging from bad ass men to sweet innocent little girls to huge breasted, tattooed, bad mannered groupies. For shows like this, nothing matters besides creating entertainment and earning the network ratings. The audience does not care what color or religion the people on the show are, as long as they cause some drama and provide us with entertainment that survives even after we have watched the re runs 4 times that week. However, if you asked parents or grandparents what their favorite reality dating show is, generally they will have never heard of those shows I just mentioned and likely know few dating shows beyond the bachelor. The audience of the bachelor is mostly white and targeted towards the older white generations, therefore the networks will show what gives them the highest ratings. It would be interesting to see what would happen to ratings if the networks experienced using different races/religions for their bachelors. The use of varied groups of suitors would probably more accepted than the person who is the bachelor or bachellorette being a person of color. Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:40:33 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/03/are-whites-the-only-people-willing-to-humiliate-themselves__trashed/#IDComment61606840 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/who-could-compete-with-this-woman-on-a-level-playing-field__trashed/#IDComment58393717 When looking at Yvrose Jean Baptist's story, clearly she had a knack for business and went with it to earn the success she has in Haiti. I feel her success is relative to those people in America who come up from the bottom to become CEO's of big companies. She clearly has the drive and determination to be successful and that is why she chose to be a business woman rather than accept living in poverty. Had she been born in poverty in the United States, she would have a greater chance of achieving wealth. It is sad that there is such a ceiling for her because she lives in such a poor country. Nonetheless, she has persevered through the setbacks she was born into to create a name and business for herself. It is amazing that she can learn so much and earn so much success without any formal education. Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:54:17 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/who-could-compete-with-this-woman-on-a-level-playing-field__trashed/#IDComment58393717 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/who-could-compete-with-this-woman-on-a-level-playing-field__trashed/#IDComment58392473 I feel the same way. There are so many people, at Penn State and at other schools, who abandon what it is they want to do most in order to see the big paychecks at the end of the tunnel. I have friends in the business school who have no idea what they want to do with their degree and struggle just to maintain their grades. They barely understand what they are learning and cram for hours on end just to earn mediocre grades. They constantly complain and stress about their GPA's staying at a certain level. Upon graduating, they will receive their business degrees and many will go off to get amazing jobs. But it makes me wonder, if they really never understood what they were doing while they were learning these skills, just because they have a degree are they qualified for a job? If we chose our professions based on what we loved rather than on what our potential wealth can be, I think people would be much happier and much more qualified in their careers. Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:49:46 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/who-could-compete-with-this-woman-on-a-level-playing-field__trashed/#IDComment58392473 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/men-and-women-were-really-this-different__trashed/#IDComment58387894 It is hard to read about this Roxxxy doll without getting just a little creeped out. While it is true that men and women have different sexual needs, it is taking it too far having a sex doll that can be programmed to act as a "real" woman. It is understandable that there are men out there who are simply awkward and have no game with women, but giving them the option to totally give up and rely on artificial intelligence to give them a relationship is disturbing. The desire to have a relationship is programmed into all of us from birth. The ways in which we establish relationships is quite different for many people. Creating a sex doll that answers questions the way a man desires and performs the ways he wants is killing the prospect of intimacy. Think about the people who are going to buy this product. Sure, some young men with crazy sex drives and money to spare will buy it to fulfill their energizer bunny sex needs. And probably some older men who are single or widowed who have given up on finding a mate. But then there is that middle group of married men who feel their sex life is inadequate. It is hard to imagine a guy feeling the need to have sex with a robot instead of having sex with his wife or girlfriend. Then we also have to consider the consequences. Perfect, lifelike woman who answers all his questions just the way he wants, doesn't nag him, talks dirty, simulates orgasm, and can be turned off with a switch? There are definitely some sick guys who are going to feel what they believe to be a real connection with this robot girl. If men start to feel as though they are establishing relationships with these Roxxxy dolls, we are introduced to a whole new disgusting fetish. And if they get tired of one personality, they can change it to something new. That's like 5 ideal woman in one body. Guys may even lose their abilities to function in any sort of relationship outside of an artificial one. Having the power to have sex with this doll whenever and where ever they want can lead to the creation of more pedophiles and rapists. Maybe that won't be the case with most buyers. The point I am trying to make is that even in such a technologically advanced society we should not lose the need for real relationships and intimacy. If a guy is having trouble meeting a girl, there are so many more outlets available today besides buying a robot. Dating websites have proven to set up even the most awkward people. Everyone is capable of finding some sort of partner, and paying $7000 for an artificial mate should not be what this world is coming to. Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:33:39 +0000 https://www.racerelationsproject.org/2010/02/men-and-women-were-really-this-different__trashed/#IDComment58387894