androdameia

androdameia

134p

44 comments posted · 24 followers · following 0

8 years ago @ The Toast - Cocktail Hour: Open Th... · 0 replies · +9 points

Rolling up to the OT on a Saturday because this, uh, internet comment was in my nightmares last night. I just want to say, on the off-chance that someone else who is in my position ever reads this comment: I understand how profoundly destabilizing it is to be assaulted, and if you weren't able to COLLECT FORENSIC EVIDENCE while reeling in the aftermath of a violent crime, that is 100% understandable. The problem of sexual predators not facing justice is not caused because victims don't behave correctly after the assault, it's caused by a culture and a criminal justice system that permits and conceals these crimes. It is egregiously wrong to imply that Ghomeshi going free or anything like that is the fault of the victims.

To alianaaa, for the record, even in my state of denial, I was saving and backing up every text message he ever sent me, I took pictures of my injuries the day after, and had already made an appointment to be examined by a doctor and get additional photo evidence. But I shouldn't have to justify to you what a good victim I am. If you're sorry for anything, it shouldn't be bluntness, it should be for attacking the victim of a violent crime for Not Doing It Right.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Cocktail Hour: Open Th... · 3 replies · +57 points

Thank you so, so much for the support guys. Don't worry, I am ON IT. I have a therapist, am currently at the doctor's waiting to get pictures taken, have copious screenshots, am going to see a lawyer, and have contacted friends and family who have all offered to come whisk me away if necessary.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Cocktail Hour: Open Th... · 19 replies · +33 points

Toasts, I have had a WEEK.

This past Saturday, I went home with a friend after a party and he attacked me. I don't want to go into details, but let's just say that I can't read any of the Jian Ghomeshi accounts because they are so SPOT ON. I spent days in head to toe pain and I still have huge bruises on my arms. I've been in a total state of denial, mostly because I'm in an intense PhD program and I can't afford to fall apart right now. As much as I hate that he assaulted me, I've worked so hard to get here and I hate the idea of being derailed even more. To make matters worse, he's a fellow grad student in my department. I can't stand the idea that if I came forward, this assault would become the most important thing that happened to me in graduate school, both in my mind and in the minds of everyone else. I just want to get back to my normal life, but it is so incredibly unjust that he should get off scot-free for what he did.

I should have gone to the police immediately, but I believed his bullshit sobbing apologies and proclamations that he's an alcoholic and is going to start AA. I realize now that he was just scared that I was going to report him-- he has no real remorse for what he's done. And now I can't report him because, just like the Ghomeshi victims, I continued to see him after the assault. I just couldn't deal with the trauma of the assault AND the realization that my friend is a virulently misogynistic abusive drunk. I actually reached out to him for support, because for the first few days I was too afraid to tell my friends and family what happened, because then I would have to face reality. His response was a classic of dark humor. He said he could pop by and check on me, but then he had to leave because "I'm performing standup for the first time ever!". He said I was welcome to sit in the audience if I wanted (again, I AM COVERED IN BRUISES HE INFLICTED), and when I reacted with utter shock and disgust, he said "Listen, this is a promise I made to tons of people. It's not just something I decided on a whim. It's been in my calendar for months!".

I was such an idiot to believe he was actually sorry.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 0 replies · +23 points

Oh, man. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how tough that must be. Seconding that no matter what you decide, remember that you have to take care of yourself. You can have a lot of sympathy for what someone’s going through and still not cast yourself in the role of the one and only person in charge of helping them— that’s usually not a good dynamic for anyone involved. Infinite hugs. You’re going to get through this.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 0 replies · +24 points

Also the discussion of creeds/professions of faith being more about saying "these are the things you're going to tussle with, as opposed to the things you're going to say with 100% conviction".

NICOOOOOOOOLE. Speaking directly to my soul right now.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Talk Amongst Yourselve... · 0 replies · +3 points

YAY CONGRATS! If you can't physically visit before you have to make the decision, then maybe set up appointments to talk to people over the phone/Skype?

8 years ago @ The Toast - Talk Amongst Yourselve... · 0 replies · +9 points

Thick cat-eye eyeliner. It's my warpaint and I feel weirdly naked without it.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 0 replies · +4 points

I am also dealing with this! My solution is earbuds that have built-in earplugs (so it's not as obvious!) plugged into my computer, which is playing sailboat sounds. It's not perfect, but it also doesn't cost $300, so.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Cocktail Hour: Open Th... · 0 replies · +8 points

Another person with bipolar disorder chiming in!

I think it's important to remember that a diagnosis doesn't change who you are. A diagnosis is just a tool to make sure you're getting the correct treatment. So if you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, remember that nothing about you has changed. You were and still are a good person who is worthy of love and care (from your fiancee and from others). The only difference is now you have some useful information that's going to help you get the most effective treatment possible.

Also, people say a lot of shitty things about mentally ill people. You don't have to believe them. It's categorically not true that people with bipolar disorder are problems for everyone in their lives. Sure, there are people who say things like that, and those people are jerks who should be ignored. Don't let the opinions of idiots affect the way you view yourself. Good luck and let us know how it all pans out. <3

8 years ago @ The Toast - Cocktail Hour: Open Th... · 1 reply · +14 points

Yesssss! I just started krav maga again, and it's truly excellent. I was a bit uncomfortable at my previous krav maga school, because besides me it was 100% jacked, stone-faced men. But this class is through my university, so the instructor says things like "You're trying to print your thesis and he just used the last of the ink! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! HAMMERFIST! Aaaaaand... time!". Delightful.