IntenseDebate - Thequeenmum

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 1 reply · +11 points

I wonder too how everyday Canadians will welcome people, but I'm generally very hopeful! In my little (quite rural, conservative, and very white) community in Saskatchewan, over 1500 people have joined a group on FB to offer whatever help they can to refugees. It's amazing and inspiring - a mix of immigrants, professionals, secular groups, church types....

This was their first little event.

9 years ago @ The Toast - Autistdar · 1 reply · +6 points

I agree that it's important for him to have space to be excited. I might suggest that it is better to give him small doses of "role-playing" or direct teaching regarding how to read the cues of others. The learning curve for reading social cues is very long - he will always be learning, and your support will make a world of difference.

Basically, I would say that how you respond to his excited conversational dominance may not actually benefit him in the "real world" unless he is able to keep learning very specifically about the physical cues that others give (e.g., beginning to fiddle with objects, or moving their body slightly away, or starting to look at their phone). One negative consequence of being more aware that others aren't always interested in what you are excited about is that you may decide to clam up and not really talk about your passions to anyone, or that you will "turtle" in uncertain social situations and be MORE awkward and reserved. Better to learn to read the cues and learn that some acquaintances may actually be excited about what you have to say! (That's my super preachy and long-winded response - I have been working my way through this social challenge for years, and I haven't got it all figured out yet).

9 years ago @ The Toast - Autistdar · 0 replies · +2 points

Please see my comment below, for a bit of my personal story. For your journey, I recommend a blog that I have found very helpful - it's called "Musings of an Aspie". The author is a woman who has been diagnosed as an adult, and she describes how this has affected her relationships and her family life. She also includes many links to excellent practical resources. It's a nice place to start. Best of luck on your journey! It is nothing to fear. You may have a new lens through which to view yourself and your own history - a little scary but very illuminating.

9 years ago @ The Toast - Autistdar · 0 replies · +7 points

Thank you so much for this article, and thank you to The Toast for publishing it. I am a clinician whose work includes children who are on the spectrum. I have realized in the last year or so that I would also likely have been diagnosed as being on the spectrum when I was younger. As an adult, I have a lot of "tells" that the trained or sensitive eye might notice.

While I have found it challenging to realize that I have been coping with the social and emotional blind spots that afflict those of us on the spectrum, I've also found it very liberating. I have a tribe. I am still me. I am okay. I am still brilliant and wonderful and flawed and broken just as I always have been. Now I am better equipped to understand myself, and to understand what the hell goes wrong in my relationships with others sometimes. I can also support my children better, knowing that they very likely will struggle in a similar way.

If reading this article has helped you see that you may be on the spectrum (as I suspect many in this beautiful, eccentric, passionate, and brilliant community very likely are!), please be comforted to know that you are not alone. We are many, we have been sadly underdiagnosed and misunderstood, and we are pretty damn awesome.

9 years ago @ The Toast - Friday Open Thread · 0 replies · +3 points

Saskatchewan! Yay! Moose Jaw, anyone?

9 years ago @ The Toast - How To Respond To Crit... · 2 replies · +49 points

I love criticism, and never dwell on it for years and years, cherishing it and polishing it like a precious, hideous jewel, but I've shared this link on FB to help others who struggle.

9 years ago @ The Toast - Cocktail Hour: Open Th... · 3 replies · +25 points

Hey Toasties! I'm here to help you live vicariously through a recent unexpected event at my place of work! There was a boss-person who was very, um, "difficult" to get along with. This boss-person had been in charge for more than a couple looooong years. There was a lot of general unpleasantness, Stockholm-syndrome-esque psychological torture, and my own anxiety and hand-wringing was to the point where I was almost ready to change jobs to escape the atmosphere that was largely generated by this boss-person.

Enter a recent magical day when we were called together urgently at work first thing in the morning, and other higher-than-boss-person people were there. They announced that boss-person had suddenly resigned as of right now and was GONE. Like, POOF! Vanished from all of our lives. *CLOUDS PARTING, RAINBOWS, UNICORNS, ETC* (We wish boss-person all the best in his or her future endeavours)

This is a completely true story, and I just wanted to share it because work can be HARD, and it can be FRUSTRATING, but sometimes, unexpected changes happen. FIN

9 years ago @ The Toast - How To Talk To Babies ... · 5 replies · +31 points

Ooh. Can I digress to talk about verbs?? I'm not trying to be a jerk - I actually thing this is super fun and interesting.

The problem isn't that "grow" is used as a verb, but that it's used as a transitive verb with a direct object that is something other than hair or a garden (I'm growing carrots = fine; I'm growing my children/bank account/love of cats = not fine).

9 years ago @ The Toast - Flaws Only A Protagoni... · 0 replies · +27 points

"...all her friends chorused in unison...

This line always makes my skin crawl! I read too much Nancy Drew as a child. Bess and George were always "chorusing" and "chiding". This whole piece is perfect, by the way.

10 years ago @ The Toast - The Way Home: On Faith... · 0 replies · +4 points

There are many of us on this path. I just wanted to mention that the term "emotional health" just really resonated with me in your comment. It sounds so much less clinical than "mental health". Thanks for that.

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