en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/752061 Comments by Ms. Smart http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676448589 You purchase a pass to go to restaurants in a neighborhood. Each spot has a few dishes you can taste. So basically, a bar crawl with food (and drink). Tue, 9 Jul 2013 17:55:22 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676448589 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676433875 My points still stand. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 17:26:29 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676433875 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676433408 My thinking is that women (and people), who frequent places with piss poor customer service will be the same who are OK that the books at their kids schools are outdated. I remember taking a 'frociate' to Target and he was amazed at what he saw. The trick is to be the type of man who can transition a couple glances as you pass by into a conversation, exchange of information, etc. It can be done but it's not exactly easy. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 17:25:26 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676433408 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676397854 Gotcha. Gold digging? Eh. Security seeking is more like it. Why would any woman want to link herself to a man who can't take care of himself? And I know things happen. People lose jobs, cars die, etc. I get that. But if everything in a man's life is shaky, he may want to focus on getting his ducks in order before getting his peen moist. Maybe. I don't know. I've never been a man. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 16:15:22 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676397854 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676394873 "Man, if I knew quality would be this hard to find in my early 30's, i promise I would done a few things differently..Oh well! lol" Tell these folks!!!! Quality women? Target (not in DC or right over the bridge in VA) Wegmans (not the one in Largo though) Dish crawls in and around H Street (not to be confused with BAR CRAWLS) Bar-b-ques Bike trails Movies on Sunday mornings Total Wines (the one in Laurel) I am trying to think of places where women will be along. I would suggest online dating but I think men gloss over the stuff women write and focus solely on the pictures. Don't get me wrong, physical attractiveness is important. But why bother if the stuff she wrote tells you that you have NOTHING in common. I should start throwing match-maker events. Yes. This needs to happen. It would be sobering for a lot of people. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 16:08:43 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676394873 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676383504 I love how you throw age and race into this. I have friends of different ages and races. The only way race even plays into this is that non-Black men seem to tire of extended adolescence at a younger age than Black men. Non-Black men usually feel they aren't successful as men if they don't have a family or at least a wife lined up by 30. The dirty little secret that men don't usually discuss on blogs is that, extended adolescence games get old. They want to come home to someone who they can consistently trust to be there. Or so I've heard. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 15:41:33 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676383504 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676380872 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me be clear. I am a proponent of COMPLEMENTARY COMPANIONSHIP. I actually do wait on my guy to do stuff and he waits on me to do stuff. But I am a very traditional woman. And when I date, I DO wait on the man to rise to the occasion. If he doesn't, I move on--which is easy since I don't time my life and body to every man who I share a few hours with. *shrug* Tue, 9 Jul 2013 15:34:52 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676380872 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676377951 I didn't grow up around tender men. But it took me telling my daddy a couple of stories for him to straight up tell me that men can be more emotional than women and they will express that emotion in self-esteem killing ways. The unhappy man says will tell you that you look fat and no man will ever want you. The happy man will tell you that you should wear the green dress because it shows off your legs. Then he'll call you on Saturday morning and invite you to go hiking with him. See the difference? Tue, 9 Jul 2013 15:27:35 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676377951 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676376210 Men who have loads of strange women running through their homes are begging to be robbed. Plain and simple. Not to mention, with the technology we have, she can walk through and video where all your nice things are located and give cousin Ray-Ray n'em the lay of the land for when they rob you. (Do you know how easy it is to get someone's alarm code?) This happens and men will blame the neighborhood when it's really that they let the wrong woman into their homes. There comes a time in a man's life where maturity and character outweigh easy snatch. This maturity and character is hard to cultivate and usually only comes when a man is truly happy with himself and his life. And while it's easy for a man to get women (and an attractive woman to have suitors by the dozen), getting quality (and I don't mean the degreed and attractive), is a lot harder. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 15:23:21 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676376210 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676351147 I would add that when men can't take women anywhere (weak finances, limited exposure, etc.), they will turn it on the women and say we want to much. And don't let him not be able to even pull the type of women he really wants? He will denigrate anything with a vagina. This usually comes in the form of trying to make her fearful of never getting married. Newsflash: Being married is not the end all be all for a whole lot of women. In doing so, these men expose themselves as a weak men who spends more time tearing others down than building themselves up. Their bitterness and frustration seeps out in everything they say and do. All subterfuge everything. It's sad. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 14:24:57 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676351147 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676314109 "The purpose of dating is to get to know someone who you have some type of romantic interest in." Just because you chat with a guy and exchange some texts, it doesn't mean he has romantic interests. He may have 'If I don't have anything planned with a woman I do have romantic interests in, I'll hit you up' interests. That's the way the cookie crumbles. With regard to a man showing a woman a good time, I think the date should be about them having a good time together. He can get a sense of a woman's interests, plan a great date for HER but be bored out of his mind. It's a give and take. This is why I think women are often shocked when they think they had a great date then dude doesn't call again. SHE was having a great time and he was watching the clock to see if he could make better plans after he dropped her off. (Men who believe they are 10's also get shook when women are unresponsive. It's likely because he was boring, arrogant, or just not the 10 he thinks he is.) Dating definitely does still exist. The 'hang out' is the path of least investment. He's not even willing to invest effort expressing clear interests. The same man who used 'hang-out' on one woman will use 'date' for another woman. I accept that every man doesn't want to date or marry me. But more so, I know that I don't want to date OR hang out with every man who crosses my path. All of that said, in situations where I have had men try to ease into dating through the 'hang out' he is immediately put into friend zone. Even after confessions of love and caring, no transitioning. I don't do well with men who don't make their intentions known. While he is trying to casually 'hang out' and get to know me on a friend level, other men are asking me on proper dates, making memories, and very clear on their romantic interest in me. Tue, 9 Jul 2013 13:11:48 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/09/are-first-dates-extinct/#IDComment676314109 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/03/do-men-really-mind-spending-money-on-women-and-what-are-their-expectations/#IDComment672747571 Stay in your lane or accept that in order to switch between lanes, you have to follow that lane's rules. Wed, 3 Jul 2013 14:03:35 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/03/do-men-really-mind-spending-money-on-women-and-what-are-their-expectations/#IDComment672747571 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/03/do-men-really-mind-spending-money-on-women-and-what-are-their-expectations/#IDComment672735238 "There is only one type of man who doesn’t mind spending money on women: the type of man who can afford to spend money on women." This is part of it. The other part is that if a man treats HIMSELF to nice things, it's likely that's his lifestyle. Therefore, they aren't going to meet a woman and take her to McDonald's cus he doesn't even eat that crap. The problem comes when McDonald's dudes try to date women who aren't McDonald's women AND when McDonald's women get it in their head that a man is obligated to upgrade their lifestyle through dates. With regard to expecting something in return for dates, eh. If I am dating a man and he eludes to an exchange I never agreed to, then it's up to me to recognized what's going on and exit stage left. I don't have the time or inclination to convince a man I owe him NOTHING at ANY TIME because I never agreed to any exchange. Wed, 3 Jul 2013 13:35:20 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/03/do-men-really-mind-spending-money-on-women-and-what-are-their-expectations/#IDComment672735238 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/28/why-nice-guys-finish-last-and-always-will/#IDComment669908077 I believe men who end up with batty women either didn't do their due diligence from day one, OR excused a lot of crazy and ended up right where they want to be and with who they want to be with. As for strippers and what not, please believe it happens a lot. The thing is, you just don't know she used to dance, sell drugs, etc. Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:19:55 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/28/why-nice-guys-finish-last-and-always-will/#IDComment669908077 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/28/why-nice-guys-finish-last-and-always-will/#IDComment669879396 Nice guys don't finish last, first, or in the middle. Nice guys finish with nice women. Maybe I am too busy doing my stuff to need a man who isn't busy doing his stuff. But that needing someone to dote on you constantly is why some men end up with certain chicks. Chicks who are happy to be off the pole or who have no aspirations beyond being head teller at the Walmart are awesome for partners who need their ego stroked. *shrug* Fri, 28 Jun 2013 13:22:33 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/28/why-nice-guys-finish-last-and-always-will/#IDComment669879396 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/25/so-men-are-intimidated-by-you-because/#IDComment668058370 Strength is knowing when to strategically use silence AND words (with the right tone). Tue, 25 Jun 2013 17:14:33 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/25/so-men-are-intimidated-by-you-because/#IDComment668058370 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/25/so-men-are-intimidated-by-you-because/#IDComment667966883 Amen. Relationships aren't competitions. They are teams. Tue, 25 Jun 2013 13:32:27 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/25/so-men-are-intimidated-by-you-because/#IDComment667966883 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/25/so-men-are-intimidated-by-you-because/#IDComment667966384 I have NEVER had a man say they are intimidated by me. EVER. At no time. This whole 'intimidation' excuse is just that--an excuse manufactured by magazines that cater to Black women. Allow me to break this down. 1. Money: He doesn't know you have it until you show you have it. For a lot of women (especially those who didn't have the benefit of learning the soft skills that make them successful in getting into relationships), they made their money by tuning into very masculine traits. Furthermore, they treat people around them like underlings--which might be fine at work but in real life, it puts people off. 2. Height: BS 3. Short hair: If she has short hair and no chex appeal, she could have long hair and no chex appeal. Mean still wouldn't check for her. 4. Education: Also BS. But if she has to highlight her education in every third sentence, it becomes annoying. 5. Sex Drive: BS! Unless she is a swamp donkey and her skin causes men to involuntarily recoil, this is not why men don't want her. It's more likely that she's trying to use chex to force a relationship and he isn't stupid enough to fall for that old game. 6. The Approach: Women stay approaching men who do not want them. If he wanted her, he probably would have approached her. But women who aren't used to being approached have to take matters into their own hands and be the aggressor. This is all cool to dudes at first until she starts to show masculine tendencies that turn A-Type men off. For a B-Type man, being with a woman with masculine sensibilities might work so long as he's attracted to her. 7. Opinionated: Try rude. This whole 'strong woman' BS gives rude women a reason why people don't like them. In closing, men like women. They aren't scared of us. But women don't want to consider that they aren't as attractive (physically, emotionally, etc.), as their friends, family, and egos tell them they are. Same is true for men, but we aren't talking about men today. Tue, 25 Jun 2013 13:31:16 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/25/so-men-are-intimidated-by-you-because/#IDComment667966384 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/20/sexuality-of-black-women/#IDComment665061199 "If you let Tom, Dick, Harry, Jermone, Brandon, Gerald, etc (15 other names) hit after a short periof of time for whatever reason, why should I sign up for a long term contract because you finally seen your promiscuous ways have left you (insert age) an without a man?" So-called 'loose' women stay getting married. All they have to do is react to the man's expectations and allow him to think his words and penis are so special, his having sex with her makes him a member of an elite club. Add an occasional meal and church attendance to it, and he is sold. Then four years into the marriage, when he is out with her at her college reunion (or anywhere that she knows people and he doesn't) and dudes are side-talking about her being a tramp, his feelings are hurt. The problem is, he didn't exercise his due diligence and she outsmarted him on his own so-called standards. Thu, 20 Jun 2013 16:44:21 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/20/sexuality-of-black-women/#IDComment665061199 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/20/sexuality-of-black-women/#IDComment665008935 Full disclosure, that was a typo. Thu, 20 Jun 2013 14:49:07 +0000 http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/06/20/sexuality-of-black-women/#IDComment665008935