en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/941022 Comments by Snowdrop111 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/05/2961/#IDComment72131884 "Nothing says "we're a loving church" like the potential for worship team smackdown for everyone to see. " HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! Mon, 3 May 2010 19:27:48 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/05/2961/#IDComment72131884 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70948036 What if he paid for them and supplied them...I know when I was using them it would have made me feel better if the guy had done that...IF I COULD HAVE FOUND A RELATIONSHIP BACK THEN but that's another story. Tue, 27 Apr 2010 22:19:46 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70948036 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70947370 Perhaps more and more of the edgy people moving to New York could explain it. Tue, 27 Apr 2010 22:17:10 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70947370 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70887182 " It's as if, in the quest for equality, they HAVE to do the bad as well as the good that the opposite gender does, just to prove they can do it, too. " I agree. But in fairness to Jezebel, I feel that they do do both. I don't read the other sites except Salon occasionally. However, Jezebel does do both. There's a lot of affirming support for women in other nations. Moe and the other one in that interview did come in for a great amount of criticism--I forget what site I saw the criticism on. If I could remember I'd post it. But I agree, I think a lot of it is "Why should the guys get away with a double standard?" Also, I think they are trying to change men. I don't see that happening in my lifetime, not to the extent they hope. I do feel that men are changing in some great ways, but the double standard part will take longer to change. As for me, it's my life, and I don't have time for more heartbreak in the hope that men's double standard will change in my lifetime. So I take the (in my opinion ) much good Jezebel offers and criticize the efforts to change the double standard by outdoing men at their game. Tue, 27 Apr 2010 17:41:16 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70887182 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70885509 Well I am.... but not intentionally. Tue, 27 Apr 2010 17:34:09 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70885509 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70717412 OOOH that Roosh site has my blood boiling especially about the idea that Latinas have more STD's. On what planet? My boyfriend's brother's wife is from Mexico. She got her citizenship. She is about my age. Every time I'm over there she goes on a rant about American girls not being virgins until marriage and when are the two of us going to get married? I have heard from others that Mexican women do not necessarily engage in casual sex. I think that Roosh list was to rile people up, but you cannot judge who engages in casual sex by color or socioeconomic status. Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:58:42 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70717412 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70715254 I love the "they look upper-middle-class so can't possibly have an STD" line of thinking. All those edgy art students who flock to New York and adopt the alt look and lifestyle? Upper Middle Class. This who's most feeling the pressure to be edgy, I think. Upper middles. Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:40:49 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/26/hookinguprealities/why-feminists-want-you-to-get-herpes/#IDComment70715254 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70712394 I think Vincent is pulling our legs. Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:18:39 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70712394 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70712219 have you ever tried a female condom Robin? Maybe it would help things a little better for both...just a thought. Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:17:15 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70712219 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70711693 Yeah here's another thought from I, Claudius. People blame "Abrahamic Religions" for the fact we can't all do it in the road without guilt or complications. Yet Augustus' call for bachelors to marry, his banishment of Ovid for Ovid's little game manual, and his banishing of his own daughter for doing it in the road, all happened before Rome ever heard of "Abrahamic Religions." Augustus and the ancient Romans of his era and before, got the idea from *somewhere* that marriage and constraint made for a strong society. WHERE DID THEY GET THAT IDEA ... they had never yet heard of Abrahamic Religions. Now, if, later, societies influenced by Abrahamic Religions blamed *only* the woman, that's another issue. Seems to me Augustus gave the men as much what-for as he did the women. But no, you could not just do it in the road and everything was roses, absent Abrahamic Religions. Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:13:08 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70711693 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70710865 Robin I am having a hard time posting today but i am so sorry for the way people act. There are many topics about which many people can't seem to find a middle ground. Let me just repeat there are many loving couples married and together where one partner didn't have herpes, hpv, or AIDS and fell in love with someone who did, and they stayed together, because love is not about our bodies. I hope it lets me post. Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:06:32 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70710865 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70524810 Bizarrely, it thought even this much was too long to post...anyway...continued... The diaphragm can be more hidden and inserted ahead of time. I am not sure why the diaphragm became so unpopular either. I was told (hi Mom!) the female condom was better for the guy... (it was made of polyurethane) but it looked funny and tended to squeak. Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:29:34 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70524810 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70524774 I have used female condoms back in the 90's. They are inserted kind of like a diaphragm, by pinching a ring. Another ring hangs outside and looks dumb but the woman has control of deciding to be in possession of it beforehand (A huge problem in birth control I think!) One controversy that arose with the female condom was the perfect being enemy of the good. Instead of the practical solution of allowing women (especially in other cultures) the power to have their own condom and insert it themselves, some supposedly wanted the women to gain the power and assertiveness to insist the man wear a condom. I am not sure how much impact this controversy had, but it was the early 90's and there did seem to be a lot of controversy about "We should teach women from other cultures to stand up for themselves and insist men wear condoms" rather than "We should give women from other cultures the female condom." Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:29:11 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70524774 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70079556 "If your number is 10, the infection rate is 27%. That's a lot of people hooking up who are going to run out of luck. " It's easy to get to higher than 10 doing the now-normal thing of holding out for three dates and then having two months of don't ask-don't tell until someone says "are we exclusive?" and someone says "I'm not ready for a relationship." <--- I'm not meaning to be a hypocrite--that's what I used to do till I decided I couldn't handle it emotionally. It was my emotions that made me change my mind and decide the going three-date rule wasn't for me; I wasn't thinking about the germs, but the germs don't care. I don't see how holding out for three dates and then two months of don't ask-don't tell till someone says "I'm not ready for a relationship" is enough to protect me from someone who doesn't care about me enough to disclose either intentions or infections. Sat, 24 Apr 2010 03:24:48 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70079556 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70022411 Robin, you are a caring and responsible person who I hope is not too much in the minority. I wish I did have stats on that. In the discussion I mentioned on Salon.com, which took place maybe three years ago, wait let me see if I can find it... nope, sorry, I can't find it now ... anyway, there were other commenters saying they had disclosed and were in happy marriages and long-term relationships with loving partners who understood. Fri, 23 Apr 2010 23:49:58 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70022411 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70020842 I love the comment by "Luvwisdom" on that article you linked to. This is just a part: "Your body isn't worth wasting on casual encounters. Or people who won't be there for you if you get herpes or have their babies." Fri, 23 Apr 2010 23:36:59 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70020842 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70016925 Here is something that I suspect happens. Some people have categories for their partners and decide whether to treat that person as relationship-worthy or not, early on. They also decide whether the potential partner is worthy of disclosure based on whether that person is "relationship-worthy." Meaning, often, looks and status. I think these people rationalize that if a partner had sex with them quickly, that person isn't worthy of disclosure and is fair game. "Well he or she hopped into bed with me, so he or she is a (bad name) anyway and knew the risk he or she was taking." Whereas if they met someone of "relationship worthiness," they know they dang well better treat disclosure in an above-board manner or they will lose that person AND get a rep among the set they care about. That is cynical but I think that's exactly what goes on. Therefore, if I were going out there hooking up, or having sex quickly, I feel very strongly that I would be in a lot of guys' mental "Not disclosure worthy" category. Their "She knew what she was getting into" category. Their, "Well, she was out in a bar" category. I am not saying that's how people should think. I'm saying that's how I think a lot of people DO think. I think the best way to be deemed "Disclosure-Worthy" is to be in the other person's social circle that they care about what kind of rep they get. That doesn't happen if you are the less affluent, unsuspecting, freshman at a frat party, or a stranger in a bar. I also think a lot of people tell themselves they can't transmit except during an outbreak. They refuse to accept that transmission can happen without an outbreak. Therefore, they maintain they do not need to disclose if it's not during an outbreak. They take Valtrex and business as usual. I've seen a discussion of this on Salon.com with lots of people angrily saying you can't transmit when not having an outbreak. I think this is one of the biggest reasons hooking up is dangerous--because you are not likely to be on the other person's "disclosure-worthy" list unless you fit their image of a highly desirable person in their social circle who could give them a rep in their circle. Fri, 23 Apr 2010 23:06:21 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/23/hookinguprealities/the-complex-psychology-of-std-transmission/#IDComment70016925 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/08/relationshipstrategies/jealousy-relationship-kryptonite/#IDComment66868350 However, coming at this from another perspective...I was raised *extremely* strict. I am a complete mouse. And in my 30's I experienced two jealous maniacs when I wasn't doing anything. Believe you me I was not trying to attract attention of, or look at, other men! What's also odd is the guys who got insanely jealous and accused me of things I wasn't doing, weren't even that into me! They just wanted a victim to accuse and take out their problems on, I think. One of them, if I wasn't ready and didn't answer the doorbell on the first ring, would go straight to the apartment balcony and check to see who was hiding there and accuse me of having another man there when he came to the door. Another demanded to hear the messages on my answering machine when it was a fellow student calling to get the homework. And if I got a phone call from a fellow student about the homework and laughed at a joke, he would say "You don't laugh that way when I say something!" He wasn't even that into me--he just wanted to be the only one I talked to or whose jokes I laughed at. He even got mad that I listened to "Car Talk" on the radio because "Who made them an expert?" He wanted to be the only one who knew anything about cars. And on and on. Believe you me I wasn't doing anything to try to attract attention...there is such a thing as a jealous maniac who accuses when someone is dressed like a nun! Fri, 9 Apr 2010 20:30:37 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/08/relationshipstrategies/jealousy-relationship-kryptonite/#IDComment66868350 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/08/relationshipstrategies/jealousy-relationship-kryptonite/#IDComment66867548 I agree...look at Alan Blackthorne and Thomas Capano...for starters...h***, look at OJ...men who could have had any woman they wanted...and they had to get revenge on the one who got away (let's just assume for the sake of argument that OJ actually did it) Fri, 9 Apr 2010 20:25:12 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/08/relationshipstrategies/jealousy-relationship-kryptonite/#IDComment66867548 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/09/relationshipstrategies/sign-me-up-for-male-studies/#IDComment66866159 I think men will be too smart to major in "men's" or "male" studies though, given what's happened to the academic job market in the last 15, 20, 30 years. Humanities departments are imploding right and left and they are saying the specialization that helped secure jobs in the last big fad is going out the window now. Look at a ton of recent articles in the Chronicle of Higher Education about what's happening to the jobs in the humanities. I think the best thing men could do is work to make the jobs come back, be they manufacturing, construction, HVAC, etc. -- and/or start their own businesses. Even if they take some courses in male studies. I think one thing that's wrong with the whole "60 percent of college students are women" is.... college doesn't secure a job like it used to. I think the best thing men could do for themselves and their families is either make the jobs come back, build the trades back up and combat this "has to be upper middle class" thing, try to find some way to attract the women they want while holding a good paying trade job, demonstrate they can be educated, professional, and refined while holding a good-paying skilled-trade job (example, running their own plumbing company) .... not major in "men's" or "male" studies and get caught in the academic limbo trap that is only getting worse. Fri, 9 Apr 2010 20:16:06 +0000 http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/04/09/relationshipstrategies/sign-me-up-for-male-studies/#IDComment66866159