What a great opportunity for the boys!
My recent post There&8217s no fixing this marriage
I've interviewed a lot of divorced women, in addition to my own experience and I see the "I'll get divorced when ..." as a sign that the person isn't mentally ready to face the challenge of getting divorced. They may be looking for an easy way out, a spouse who has an affair. a spouse who is financially irresponsible or has addiction problems. They may not be able to visualize themselves being divorced and this is holding them back.
It's hard for me to believe that there's any situation that truly makes a divorce impossible. It's more a question of people not liking the available options.
I often think that the whole marriage institution was developed by the powers that be as a way of controlling their followers and there are so many similar examples, in what are referred to as "minorities" (I don't care for that term, seems loaded with insinuations).
I like your dating rule - I'm making a note to self for future reference on that. They do need help but it's professional help and not you.
I don't think it's just women in turbulent relationships who ask those questions. My relationship was particularly turbulent, there was no abuse or addiction issues and I kept asking myself, "Are things going to change?" I think it's because we don't want to make the wrong decision.
Lucinda - it sounds like you're in a really tough situation. I'm sorry your family is judging you when you're grieving the loss of your marriage. Could you talk to any of them, explain how they're making you feel and ask why they are treating you that way. I get the sense that you know what you want to do and you will find a way to make that happen. It doesn't have to be overnight but slowly and surely you'll get there. Is there a way you could move out from your parents' home? Could you house sit for someone or maybe live somewhere in exchange for household keeping duties?
Divorce is definitely life-changing - you can choose whether you grow from it or allow it to take you down. Sounds like it was growing opportunity for you. Your children must truly appreciate that you and your ex and your respective partners can be grandparents together - it's encouraging to hear that it can work.
Hi Nicole - Anger often masks another emotion that the person is too afraid to show. Maybe he knew what he was doing was mean and thoughtless but he wasn\'t stronger enough to handle it in another more thoughtful way. When you talk about what other people see, remember that they only see things on a superficial level - only the people in the relationship know what it is truly like. Good to hear from you again!
I agree! I do think there is a very negative cultural norm around divorce - the expectation is that it will be confrontational and fraught with arguments and disagreements. I think a divorce coach could really help you see that it doesn't have to be that way.
hi LGP - thanks for stopping by and sharing your story. It does take a lot of courage to make such a change after 20 years. I hope you'll visit again and share more with us.
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