gdp's Comments

The Toast : The Final Link Roundup!

Fri, 1 Jul 2016 20:39:56 +0000

I think I'll miss the Toast every day. Thank you all for making something so beautiful.

The Toast : Miss Havisham: A History

Thu, 30 Jun 2016 18:30:43 +0000

Magisterial work! Thank you very much. The family’s nurse later remembered Dickens as “a terrible boy to read,” which sounds, delightfully, exactly like what a family nurse would say. I wonder if this is the same nurse who liked to scare young Dickens out of his mind with her lurid ghost stories:

[She] made a standing pretence which greatly assisted in forcing me back to a number of hideous places that I would by all means have avoided. This pretence was, that all her ghost stories had occurred to her own relations. Politeness towards a meritorious family, therefore, forbade my doubting them, and they acquired an air of authentication that impaired my digestive powers for life. There was a narrative concerning an unearthly animal foreboding death, which appeared in the open street to a parlour-maid who ‘went to fetch the beer’ for supper: first (as I now recall it) assuming the likeness of a black dog, and gradually rising on its hind-legs and swelling into the semblance of some quadruped greatly surpassing a hippopotamus: which apparition — not because I deemed it in the least improbable, but because I felt it to be really too large to bear — I feebly endeavoured to explain away. But, on Mercy’s retorting with wounded dignity that the parlour-maid was her own sister-in-law, I perceived there was no hope, and resigned myself to this zoological phenomenon as one of my many pursuers.

The Toast : Little Ones: Five Cartoons by Liana Finck

Thu, 30 Jun 2016 18:29:12 +0000

I'm always glad to see these, and I'd been hoping against hope for one last installment. Thank you!

The Toast : Alternate Endings To Great Expectations

Thu, 23 Jun 2016 17:45:16 +0000

Holmes' impersonation of our client was masterful. From the caps of his indifferently shined boots to the tips of his doleful, quivering moustaches, he was the very image of Philip Pirrip. As he made his slow progress along Picadilly, his hired Baker Street Irregular gambolling beside him, he even contrived to stoop in such a fashion as to perfectly match Pirrip's height. I followed with Lestrade at a discreet distance, marvelling at my friend's theatrical abilities even while I kept an eye out for our quarry. We had not long to wait. Before the sun had quite declined from its zenith, a light pony trap approached us from the west and slowed to a stop beside Holmes. A lady swathed in silk and black muslin leaned out of the driver's seat and stared keenly down at the false Pirrip. "I am greatly changed, I know," she said at last; "but I thought you would like to shake hands with Estella, Pip. Lift up that pretty child and let me kiss it!" Holmes lifted the Irregular to her height with the strength of his right arm. As the woman stretched out her hands to caress the boy's face, Holmes' left hand darted from his pocket. There was a whirl of motion, a flash of bright metal and two sharp clicks, and in the next instant a pair of steel handcuffs had appeared, as if by magic, around the woman's wrists. Not waiting to see the effects of his legerdemain, Holmes quickly lowered the child to earth and seized the reins of the carriage. I rushed forward, Lestrade on my heels. The woman had been staring stupefied at her cuffed wrists; she now raised her face now, and turned upon us eyes remarkable for beauty and cold, implacable rage. "My god, Holmes!" I ejaculated. "Can this be Pumblechook's murderer?" "Gentlemen!" Holmes cried. "May I introduce Estella Drummle—alias Stella Schneider, the infamous Tigress of Delaware!"

The Toast : Link Roundup!

Thu, 9 Jun 2016 14:27:23 +0000

The Toast : You're A Social Climber. What Horrible Faux Pas Have You Committed At This Dinner Party, Alienating

Wed, 8 Jun 2016 17:36:29 +0000

"Your first error, you must realize, was to take Mr Scalthwaite's part in that argument on the terrace. You will learn (soon, and painfully) that to show a mere puppy like George Scalthwaite any partiality is to sacrifice your interests and squander the regard of your friends. They will not soon extend themselves for you again, I fear." "But Mr Scalthwaite was right, and Lord Moncreiff quite in the wrong! I don't believe the poor of London should be crowded onto ships with trap bottoms and destroyed in mass noyades on the North Sea. The idea hardly seems Christian." "And what signifies that? Your Methodist enthusiasms have no place at Brindling Hall. Now—there may still be time to repair your mistake. If you hurry to the solarium, you will yet find Moncreiff at the piquet table; a show of contrition should secure you a game with him. This is your last chance, child! If you don't let him win, I wash my hands of you."

The Toast : It's Always Skeleton Time: Bruegel's The Triumph of Death

Fri, 3 Jun 2016 15:29:39 +0000

That's what they call themselves, at least. Roger Ebert liked to believe it was the George Lazenby, mostly "because he doesn't make any such claim in his bio."

The Toast : It's Always Skeleton Time: Bruegel's The Triumph of Death

Thu, 2 Jun 2016 20:08:33 +0000

The Toast : It's Always Skeleton Time: Bruegel's The Triumph of Death

Thu, 2 Jun 2016 19:38:42 +0000

I'm partial to the skeleton buddies hanging back by the shore, which I never noticed until George Lazenby pointed them out in an essay:

...beyond the weeping tree where a man has been hung from a fork by a nail through his neck, just past the three crucified bodies that have been set on fire, there are two skeletons. They are standing on a cliff, arm in arm, and one of them gestures appreciatively towards the sea.

The Toast : Further Evidence For Ronbledore

Wed, 1 Jun 2016 16:02:18 +0000

BOLINGBROKE: Patience, good lady; wizards know their times. Sit you and fear not: whom we raise, We will make fast within a hallow'd verge. [Here they do the ceremonies belonging, and make the circle; BOLINGBROKE or SOUTHWELL reads, Conjuro te, &c. It thunders and lightens terribly; then RONBLEDORE riseth] RONBLEDORE: Adsum. I am that Ronbledore thou seek'st Who treads time's froward and anfractuous paths. Sometime with stripling's skipping step I go, Sometime bent o'er with age and mass of beard Do rather creep and sigh. Not learned Ovid Could name my changes, nor agile serpent Comprehend my ways: for his glassy suits, Once worn, do slough in sequence, least to great, Whilst wane and wax I strangely as the moon- But queries hast thou for the Doubled Ron. Do ask thy want, and I shall prophesy.

The Toast : Every Meal Lucy Snowe Almost Eats In Villette

Tue, 17 May 2016 22:03:27 +0000

The "morsel of ice flavoured with ever so slight a zest of fruit or sugar" described in Chapter XXXII.

The Toast : So Are We Just Not Going To Talk About How In 2001 Both Bridget Jones' Diary And Legall

Mon, 16 May 2016 16:55:43 +0000

Also in 2001: The Fellowship of the Ring, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, and Gosford Park all featured scenes in which the heroes defeat a giant troll by riding on its shoulders and jabbing it in the head. I begin to suspect there's a dark meaning to these seeming coincidences...

The Toast : We Are Closing The Toast July 1st

Fri, 13 May 2016 18:26:11 +0000

The Toast has been a daily joy and solace to me over two years, and I'm gonna miss the hell out of it. Thank you for everything!

The Toast : Why We Must Burn Her At Once

Wed, 11 May 2016 21:09:59 +0000

No, you had it right! I'm pretty sure you're thinking of Vlad the Impala. <img src="http://i.imgur.com/4LNFG0I.png">

The Toast : Why We Must Burn Her At Once

Wed, 11 May 2016 19:51:15 +0000

God, it's always fire, fire, fire in this kingdom. Incinerate this, torrefy that, consign the unbeliever to the Nest of the Salamanders—it gets old after awhile, and the price of briquettes is through the roof. Maybe we should lay off the fire for now, you know? In the meantime, we can dust off some of the neglected elements and use those for the ministrations of our terrible justice. Water's a classic for a reason, and I hear they're doing great things with vacuum flasks in the Realms of the Maledict.

The Toast : How To Politely Decline A Proposal From The Emperor Of Byzantium

Mon, 9 May 2016 15:24:45 +0000

My favorite part of Byzantine protocol is the rampant title inflation. Look what happened to poor "sebastos:"

Sebastos (σεβαστός) – "August One." This title is the literal Greek translation of the Latin term Augustus or Augoustos, was sometimes used by the emperors. As a separate title it appeared in the latter half of the 11th century, and was extensively awarded by Alexios I Komnenos to his brothers and relations. [...] However, the parallel processes of proliferation and devaluation of titles during the 12th century resulted in the creation of a bewildering array of often ridiculously large variations, by using the prefixes pan ("all"), hyper ("above"), prōto ("first"): examples include pansebastos, panhypersebastos, or hyperprōtopansebastohypertatos.

The Toast : Where Is National Treasure 3?

Wed, 4 May 2016 19:03:34 +0000

They could do sequels for years. There are so many Gates ancestors to vindicate! -Caesar Rodney Gates: stumbled upon a second Baseball Hall of Fame deep in the Sonora Desert. -Arnold Catiline Gates: stockpiled trillions of tan M&Ms in the Aleutian Islands for use in the nation's hour of greatest need. -Thomas If-Jesus-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Gates: discovered the fabulous Witch Hoard of Olde New England, but was betrayed and silenced by Cotton Mather (secret witch). -Cheryl Gates McFadden: never really found the right follow-up project after TNG ended.

The Toast : Positions I Am Ready to Fill in Your Charming Beach Town

Mon, 18 Apr 2016 18:19:01 +0000

Owner/Editor of Sandpiper House, an indie micropublisher specializing in -recipe books -compilations of local legends and ghost stories -cozy mysteries -shipwreck maps -my own poetry

The Toast : Positions I Am Ready to Fill in Your Charming Beach Town

Mon, 18 Apr 2016 17:34:33 +0000

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/3Z8Der6.png?1"> Maintenance tech for the town's fleet of souvenir penny press machines.

The Toast : So, You're Thinking About Seeing a Play

Thu, 14 Apr 2016 16:03:23 +0000

High school is about plays, college is about a capella groups Our classical theater troupe once scheduled a performance of a Southern Gothic take on Phèdre for the same night and in the same region of campus as an a cappella concert. Slightly more than three-quarters of the people who approached our ticket table turned back, confused, when we told them we weren't actually associated with the Xtensionchords.