No one knows of anyone who is missing, but 'fears remain.' Maybe I am unclear on the concept of a news story. Isn't there supposed to be something actually happening before we can write about it?

It's called Pei Wei and it's vile, gloppy fake Chinese food for vile, gloppy people

Haven't you heard about the Christian churches that tell people not to read their kids fairytales (because they're anti-Christian) or Harry Potter books? Why do we need to go to church to learn what books can we read, what movies we can see, or what songs we can dance to? I'm talking about American Christians, now.

You nailed it. I went to Larkburger and I got the distinct feeling the staff thought they were doing me a favor by letting me eat there.

You took the words right out of my mouth (to quote Meat Loaf). Here are 15 stories that should have beaten this lame non-news-event:

Pot becomes legal in CO, Boulder DA predictably overreacts
Obama becomes president again after visiting Boulder three times in one year
CU loses its shiz over 4/20, again
CU higher-ups ensnared in bonus scandal after raising tuition
New library director ousts 50-year Boulder public library volunteer over Library Commission protests
Ward Churchill continues his inexorable slide into irrelevance
Fires near Boulder cause commotion (CO Springs fire much worse)
Something or other having to do with the CU football team
Boulder-area lakes and reservoirs drying up
BVSD cafeteria Nazis struggle to get kids to eat their tasteless, unappealing menu items, take out newspaper ad at taxpayer expense to beg parents to force their kids to eat it
Wal-Mart may or may not be coming to Boulder
Some guys kill a raccoon
City Council members can't follow their own snow-shoveling law, screw it up the first time, have to reconvene to rewrite the law when they realize the first version makes no sense
Bruce Benson freaks out over pot legalization, tries idiotic and see-through doomsday plea to CU parents & friends
City continues to torture pot-dispensary owners with reams of new requirements, including approving the ads dispensaries run in newspapers (wanting the tax revenue nearly as badly as it wants to play God with Boulder businesses, but unable to control the innate City Council control-freakishness to give out more than an inch or two of leash)

Exactly right, and on top of that, the quality of instruction is much higher at many other schools.

Oh dear -- it just gets worse and worse. "Infer" is something that the recipient of the message, or the observer, does. The word you want is "imply." You wanted to say "Those marks imply that someone else's statements are being referenced."

What is the story with Ward Churchill's collars -- is he going for a priestly look or something?

That's a good one!

And what does "alive in well" mean? Someone is alive in the bottom of a well? For God's sake, man, get a ladder! I don't mean to be picky, but "permeates" is fine on its own; we don't say "permeates into." And what is an 'opinion of your?' I'm good with your second-to-last sentence ending with a preposition. The badass Winston Churchill once replied this way to an editor who objected to Sir Winston's habit of ending sentences with prepositions: "This is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put."