My favorite is when we're all sitting there in a meeting face to face and someone says, "I'll talk to you about it offline". Meaning in person, just after the meeting. Ugh. Where do these things come from, anyway? Some sort of corporate Mad Libs?

I'd buy and drink some crazy expensive bottle of wine- Chateau Lafite, perhaps - along with an awesome steak. Then I'd hop a flight on Virgin Galactic with enough Clif bars and vodka to last a couple days, watch the destruction, and then chomp a cynaide pill. Or spend time with my family waiting for the death rays.