On the article about mothering I want to - very gently - invite the author not to be so hard on herself as a mother. Yes as mothers we do act out automatically the parenting we received. As conscious, reflective mothers like this author, yes we do struggle to stop that automatic behaviour where it is hurtful to our child.

But I think it is a mistake to see the child as the only vulnerable person in this situation. I am also vulnerable and I have my limits. I can only do my best and that means sometimes my child will crumple, diminish, because I snapped, frowned, sounded impatient, whatever.

Personally I would never embrace my child when he is dirty and sticky - unless my own body welcomed it. There are times my body DOES welcome a gloriously grubby embrace, but there are times when I do not. It doesn't destroy my child to be wiped quickly - and then scooped into a passionate welcome. It takes seconds to wipe, and that is part of my job to civilise my child. He needs to learn that stickiness is not always welcome, but he himself always is.

The world constantly dumps shit on me and I constantly try to shield my child from it. Often I feel like a small, vulnerable creature holding two massive forces apart, before they crush me. One is that world of shit crashing in - and the other is the voracious, bottomless, NEED of my child. For my child is a cannibal, out to eat me up. Which is natural and proper.

By its nature the child is a life force hell bent on survival and flourishing, and to achieve those aims I am its food. For a young child there is no capacity to recognise MY needs; that only comes much later. So the child pushes an endless stream of demands at me and I do what I can to meet them. Sometimes I need to say no, I am empty, or I want my energy for something else. I am not just a bowl of food for you.

That will hurt my child and all hurts for a small one are enormous. But they pass quickly, and the over all message from me is that - mostly I am there for you and always I am there for the more important things. (That distinction is mine to make because I know more about survival, hot stoves, cars etc)

It's the "mostly" that matters. A long ago child expert D. W. Winnacott, wrote about the "good enough mother." That's all we can be. I call it the mostly mother. My mother struggled to be perfect and failed. So did I. But I grew up strong enough to heal the damage she gave me and I now watch my glorious son weave his wise life so I know I did enough. I was mostly a good mother and that is enough.