I dislike to admit this but truthfully I do feel uncomfortable at first if I am the only white person in a room of ethnically different people, this being literally any ethnicity. What is very cool about this class is that I have been analyzing these types of feelings and discovering why I do feel this way. Since I have realized this discomfort I have actually been really trying to place myself into situations where I am with people of other ethnicity's. Because of this I have come to realize why I feel so weird at first, it does have a lot to do with the very typical white person fear of offending someone or somehow being seen as racist, which I know how convoluted that is but it really is so true. Another reason for the discomfort comes from the fact that I just do not do too well when I am placed in a crowd of people that I do not know very well. I do really only feel uncomfortable for a little while this coming usually from getting to know more people. And I mean honestly from analyzing where this discomforts comes from it more so is influenced by the cultural difference NOT the ethnic difference. I feel just as uncomfortable in a group of white people that are culturally different. With this question it is quite difficult also because I feel that while many times when I am in these situations, just like I am sure many people feel judged by the main populous, I do feel somewhat judged because I am very obviously different in any culturally different group. Yes I realize this is human nature but I mean I really try not to judge and I guess I have felt very offended by the way people have treated me before, yes I know that I judge and I guess I more so mean that as people we should really all strive to love and accept people from all walks of life, everyone has a beautiful story to tell and I think it is important to just live a life of acceptance. As I continue to become more comfortable with who I am and what I can do to change and learn from those around me I will continue to place myself in situations of discomfort and just hope that I am able to mature in this realm of the social aspect of life.

During Sam's last few lectures I realized, as he said, just how much the white people in our country benefit and get a type of affirmative action without any tangible constraints like other affirmative action systems set in place. Nepotism is one of the most influential and controlling forms of affirmative action and due to our countries history really benefits Caucasians highly above any other racial group. If you think about how common it is that a son gets a job from a father or some kind of relationship, you then can imagine how many times this must have happened even more commonly in the past when communication was much less efficient and therefore most likely caused less options to choose from when selecting future employee's. With this along with the racism that existed within the past hundred years white men have had the chance to basically move their way to the very top of every chain. With this set up nepotism can be considered as the single most influential forms of affirmative action yet I know that I have even been guilty of casting a hateful eye on the use of affirmative action in our country today. Now I realize still many affirmative action programs give an unfair advantage to someone over another, but what right does anyone have to decide that a specific group does not deserve this. I know that growing I always learned to be fair and play fair but lets be honest the world today is so far from fair. I am I white women and I have now realized just how much I have already benefited from the affirmative action that is placed both through being a women but also through nepotism and being white, I literally have no right to show any animosity towards affirmative action programs. Now let me make it clear that I think everyone should be considered on the same playing field and be treated with the same respect because we are really all human and are all essentially the same in so many ways, but unfortunately the playing field has been completely skewed and therefore I cannot condemn the actions that have been taken to help those on a lower playing field, with how unfairly I have gotten to where I am I really don't that much of an issue now with the sometimes now seeming unfair benefits given to others. I wish that employers could just hire those that are best qualified but we have just been so poisoned to follow implementations that society has placed in us whether we like to accept that or not. I just hope that if I am ever in a hiring position I will honestly try to pick the person that is most qualified and hope to encourage others to promote true equality among people.

When Sam first asked this question I was taken back by what I thought was a very random and inappropriate question, but as Sam went on I realized that as women, there is no reason for us to feel that this very natural, perfectly normal, and healthy function is somehow shameful or embarrassing. I was actually bleeding at the time and as soon as the question was asked I turned bright red and again felt this embarrassment yet I very slowly did raise my hand as the question was pushed. Honestly the subject of menstruation got me thinking after class about a lot of the social almost taboo or structures that still dictate much of what we as a society find acceptable. I think that why so many women refrained from raising their hand was partly due to the gross factor that comes along with bleeding, part of this coming from the man based society that we live in and some from just how we as a society judge cleanliness. The other factor that I feel is much more pertinent is the fact that after the question was asked my thought train immediately went to "Oh, that is not appropriate, or lady-like." Now seriously, most of the women I know grew up with this idea of lady-like, don't speak with your mouth full, don't cuss, cross your legs, etc. Where did this idea of being lady-like come from, seriously. I went to thinking about all the things that we as women are almost ingrained to think and things that still haunt us from the days of social inequality. Even after years of progress we still do live in a mans world. If you think of a very successful women the first image that comes to my mind is a woman who is tough, aggressive, and has to put on the persona of a man in order to gain respect. Yes, we as women are different and I am not trying to say that woman cannot become successful without putting on the suit of man, I guess what I am trying to say is that woman are not completely free form the stereotypes and specifications that were the basis of a woman's life in recent history. Another example of these specifications that a woman is inclined to follow a very vigorous and demanding beauty routine and mind-set, this being both physical shape and the many products we use. I challenge you to count the number of women on campus the next class day for how many are not wearing any make-up, I guarantee that only about 30% or less will be your outcome, and again I am one of the women who does wear make-up because I am still influenced by this desire to be respected which in our society for women boils down to either being a beautiful woman or a very strong one, sometimes them coming together. Yet with all the rituals women go through everyday how often do you see a male worrying about how clear is skin is that day or if his jeans makes him look fit, men do think somewhat about these things but as a woman and knowing hundreds of them my whole life our beauty almost consumes our thoughts and society does not help to deter these destructive thoughts, it actually encourages them. I am generalizing here but I guess I just want to bring up this idea of how we as women are still kinda in a mans world, still living in a way that is more for the approval from men and now has become a precedent for the approval of everyone. Seriously though, really think about why you dress up everyday or for the many that struggle with their appearance, is it really for yourself or is it due to these specifications that you were given to follow as a woman in order to be "accepted", the people that truly matter are going to be the ones that accept you for you and not for your appearance.

I am a firm believer in my faith, this being Christianity. Now this lecture had the opposite effect on my faith and instead of shaking it, it honestly made me more confident in what I believe and just once again helped me to remember how awesome God is and just how amazing it is that people from all over the world and all types of religious beliefs and backgrounds could have one reaction, one feeling. That for me just shouts out how crazy it is that we as humans are all connected by one thing. Again this is just my own opinion and faith but I think that honestly is amazingly cool. I realize that some reading this (which I really doubt anyone but my TA is) are thinking "but how could it be strengthening your faith when it goes against what you believe and how not everyone will go to heaven." This is an excellent thought and I still do believe that some people will go to heaven and some will not, just because we all have this initial experience does not mean that that experience is necessarily heaven. By my faith God is all knowing and all powerful, how can we confine such an amazing presence to just a small taste of death. Also, side note, I would like to throw out that with the whole heaven and hell ordeal I am probably one of the worst kind of people and deserve to fully go to hell and I do not feel in any way that I am somehow better then anyone else or that I deserve anything because I do not. If someone does go to heaven it is fully by the grace of God and not related to anything that the person could do themselves, therefore me included, sorry just wanted to make sure that was clear. Anyways, I know that someone posed the questions "how do you Christians feel knowing that all people get the same experience?" and seriously my first response to that was very sorrowful because I felt awful to think that someone would assume that I would be mad, or upset, or jealous. That is not my reaction at all, I would be ecstatic if we all went to heaven, that would just show the amazing grace of God! I felt so sad that the modern view of Christianity was so poor that that was the first reaction to this research, I mean I totally understand considering how corrupt the church has always been but I think that was what hit me the most. Christians should be seen as always accepting and loving but then again the corruption just reminds me of my own complete sinfulness and just how awful I am and how I do need the grace of God to do anything good. Sorry I just went on another tangent! But also, because God is all knowing, to think that he would not know that these people are going to be brought back to life is putting God in to a box; placing God in to a box is one thing that I know I am very guilty of and am very ashamed of simultaneously, to try and make sense of God and say that he would not somehow know these people would return to life is just crazy! This experience could just be a bump to remind people of how we all sin at least once (me sinning constantly) but that feeling of compassion and judgment may just be a reminder or taste of the love and and want that God has for all of us, to remind us that God does not want to punish us but wants to essentially save us from the own sadness that we have brought upon ourselves. Therefore with this study I am just given once more a small taste for just how mysterious, amazing, and completely mystifying God is. I find it just so unbelievably amazing still that we as humans are connected in ONE way, that just blows my mind that it is solid proof that this one being is connecting all of us. I am sorry again for probably being super intense about this but I guess I just hope that anyone reading this knows that in no way should anyone be spiteful about a goodness that occurs for all of us, but also that we as humans are connected and to think yourself better than any other person completely ridiculous.

After hearing that it actually really hit me like, shit, this is real. We are so unbelievably rich and unbelievably blessed when it comes to our lifestyles and really everything that makes up our culture (this actually including any first world country really). Know please anyone reading this I AM ONE OF THESE PEOPLE, I am absolutely included as someone that very selfishly lives and thinks without even a second thought about the lives outside of our own modern bubble of wealth. When Sam brought up this subject I just specifically remember all the times that I got upset or like mad that I didn’t get what I wanted, or when your grandmother gets you the worst Christmas present and in your mind you just think, “wow thanks, this is so stupid I’m like almost 10 years old now!!!” As kids but even as adults our culture has just been so consumed by this consumer obsessed lifestyle and if we don’t have the latest or even cool next thing then we are somehow poor or super weird. This is just so unbelievably wrong in so many ways! (Again I am offender of ALL OF THESE THINGS, This is not me trying to be self righteous, I am a terrible and selfish person this is more just me expressing my anger with myself and how even though I see things I could be doing and just sitting stagnant and not even attempting to really help). I recently had the amazing experience of visiting Haiti over Thanksgiving break and it honestly is one of the most impacting experiences of my life. Seriously until you truly visit and live in a community in a third world country you honestly cannot even begin to touch or comprehend what poverty is, and a week has left me at just a slight comprehension but I know I am still very ignorant to the true pain and problems they face every single day. When I was staying in this community I just could not even fathom what pain these families had to face. Being very wealthy in that community just brought unbelievable guilt into my heart, it was so hard to see these beautiful, exuberant, amazing children and adults show so much compassion and giving when they literally had nothing compared to even the worst American living conditions. To have a single mother try to offer you; a well fed, selfish, consuming, rich person; for her to be offering you food when she does not have enough for herself, this action just set off the bomb that was forming already in my heart. How can we as first world countries just basically sit and bask in our wealth while countries, families, people are dying everyday from something we waste everyday. So when Sam brought this up I just immediately felt my soul crumble, to think about how I myself complain everyday about one thing or another just is unbelievable when put into perspective. I guess I just really want everyone to realize and kind of feel and remember just how blessed we are. I know and understand that the things people are doing here are also very good, I am not at all trying to say that everyone should just give everything away and go live where there is poverty, I guess I just want people to be pensive on the subject and when troubles hit that we are so lucky and even the worst situations are never a good excuse to give up or complain because there is a man who labors for 13 hours straight just to put a SINGLE small meal in his children’s mouths.

Honestly I have considered the option of joining the military after college and possibly even trying out for the ROTC Army program at Penn State. As an engineering major there are many position in the military that can be very rewarding and helpful with such a degree, also I would be joining in higher command then that of a servicemen (that is if I pass the officer training itself). Also the Military is very helpful with school and has many benefits that many either do not realize or do not find helpful (unlike myself which finds them very intriguing). But the monetary and other benefits are a very small part of why I would consider joining the military and actually still do. Personally there are many things and aspects about the army that I do not approve of and I know that it would be very difficult to both train and live in that lifestyle. Almost all of my opposition stems from the fact that I do not like or believe in war, which seems very condescending I know, but I will explain. So with that fact that I do not necessarily believe in war, I feel that war is very pointless but very unfortunately while there are humans alive war will also be present, humans especially differing culturally will have troubles that most likely will end in fighting. With this our country often has fought wars to defend not to destroy, granted I cannot fully say that about this war or any in the past 60 or 80 years. So I do not believe in pointless fighting, which happens far too often, and I do understand that each side is just "defending" but at the same time there are many aspects of the Army that I find to be extremely positive. While it would be hard to go through some of the basic trainings without being taught to fight and fight alone (this coming just from what I have gotten from other people who have gone through training) I think it would be an amazing opportunity to go in with the hope to help and not hurt (yes I know this probably sounds very naive but if we cannot change things from the outside we can at least hope to do some good from the inside). Many times our troops are doing very beneficial work to the communities they are stationed in; this including waste water systems, clean water sources, technologies that are beneficial in the taking out of what is hindering the community and helping the build what has been destroyed. Again I am sure many who read this would think it is naive but I also believe that with a degree in engineering and enrollment into the military as an officer and a women (this I mention due to the fact that women cannot excel in infantry fields therefore that means excelling possibly fields of more management of some kinds) there are ways that I can help to protect others and support not only our country but also those from others. So really yes I would join the military and honestly am still considering joining, I just easily see myself taking up an engineering position in a fast paced and demanding position in the military.

I have had many people in my life struggle with eating disorders and a friend who suffered from severe OCD and germ-phobia. These issues are very hard to deal with and do not go away fully, even with professional counseling. In class Sam was explaining that the people suffering from these disorders share similar situations or circumstances. I do not doubt at all this is true; there are obvious ties between psychological issues and the people’s lives. But the only issues that I have noticed with bringing something like those facts up is that while the people suffering do not want to feel alone and do not want to suffer they also do not want to be told that they are not actually super messed up but just a victim of their circumstances in life. See from what I have observed (again this is just from experience) I have found that people love to feel, whether it is destructive or not, that they have control over themselves. Much of these controlling feelings are acted upon through the completion of their own obsessions. To tell a person that they don’t actually have control and that they are just a victim when they are unstable, honestly I do not think would be a constructive approach to helping them. As well as taking the illusion of control from them, explaining that their problems are partly due to society I feel could possibly give them very negative views on life itself, but I can also see how explaining it could be beneficial I guess I would just first make sure that the person is at least somewhat stable before explaining such a concept. I feel that a better way to assist someone with such severe issues would be to first encourage them through things that do not involve their obsession. Why I say this is due to the fact that one of my good friends who suffered from anorexia was placed in a hospital for most of a year and was helped greatly. She mentioned to me some of the ways that I could help to encourage others who suffered from the same problems, an example being not to complement them on their looks but to complement their determination or personal qualities. Obviously there is much more then just complementing but from my experience I think that some of the best encouragement it support and listening.

First Question.
So from what I can understand, this question is asking if when the civil rights acts were placed into motion all people in school were together in the same schools, jobs, etc, they would be in the same economic/ intellectual level. (If this is not exactly what was being asked I apologize)
My immediate reaction to this question is that there is no question to an equal spread of poverty among all racial groups and all groups at the same intellectual level, this of course being true if racism during that time was not so present. I absolutely despise the fact that the majority of the white population was racist and held those terrible ideals throughout much to almost all of American history. Because of this horrid racism, true equality is still impossible to define even today, this referring to the few that still hold very very wrong illusions of their fellow Americans. I feel awful saying this but honestly I still feel that because of the racist sick people that lived in the time the civil rights act was passed (this being even if it really did make it equal) there would still be a inequality economically and intellectually ONLY caused by oppression from those who so stupidly thought they were inferior (this being insanely false!!). I feel that maybe there would be slightly more equality but due to the history of our country I just find it sadly hard to see better equality among the races in our country.
To be fully clear I absolutely believe that if given all the same chance there would be no separation economically among races. We are all humans and are equal intellectually. If all Americans truly were given equal chance in the passing of the civil rights act and racism did not hold root, due to the perseverance and work ethic of both the black community and immigrants as apposed to the silver spoon fed culture of whites in that time the best intellects would most likely have been and would be those of races other then the whites in America. I mean this is speculation but it would seriously make sense.

Second Question
For this one like I understand both views on it, I guess for me I never really found it to be racist especially when it came to scholarships. With the scholarships I feel that in a way, even though our country has not done anything directly to the minorities today, due to the horrid things in our cultures past there is this need to somehow give back in an attempt to apologize and repent in a way for the wrongs that occurred so unfairly. See I don’t see it as like a slight but more as a “I’m sorry” which I don’t know is right either because if we are talking about full equality there would be no distinction at all between race. This is how I see the other side as well, the fact that America is still assigning a difference in the populous fully based on the ancestral background of the person can still be seen as segregation, even if it is beneficial it is still splitting people up dependent on race. I mean, I am white and I don’t mind that other races get scholarships I would just hope that a school looks at the academics alone in deciding acceptance into the school and not choose people on race. But then again there is a problem there as well this due to unequal schooling across the board. Our education system is becoming more and more doomed but that is a whole different discussion. I mean I don’t think it’s right exactly to split people up by race but I also do feel like our country does kind of owe minorities. But then again I don’t know, this is definitely hard to talk about just because I don’t want to offend anyone but I also know that my ancestors had a much easier time then a lot of my friends ancestor lines. And with the whole black people meet website, I don’t feel like it is right but then again I have no opposition to dating or marrying a black man or a man of any other race but I cannot speak for the many whites that use dating websites such as match.com. I mean but I also can’t blame the people that use blackpeoplemeet.com just because many can agree that we would like to spend the rest of our lives with people like us and for many that means people that share the same ethnical traditions as ourselves.

I feel like race is a really difficult thing to actually define or even explain, this being of course my opinion and not based at all on the technical definition. So to start off I do feel that your cultural background gives a base to what people define us by this cultural variation people call our “race”. But I also believe that often today people are not defining others completely on their race but more so on the other person’s cultural upbringing. And yes this sounds like the definition of race but I am referring to how in class Sam mentioned the whole idea of a “black” white guy, or a “white” black guy. Somehow our culture has given certain characteristics to specific ancestry lines or lineage, and unfortunately this is fully based on the color our skin most likely follows. See by this I mean that the whole idea of “Asian” or “black” or “white” culture is defined by characteristics or personality traits that are shared within the American culture by people of many different lineage lines yet have somehow has been assigned to one very specific race. Now in many cases there are distinct characteristics that are shared with people of the same actual race, but that has nothing to do with the actual color of their skin or their bone structures it has completely to do with the ideas and culture that they grew up in. For example, if a White male grew up immersed in the Japanese culture, completely following one of probably many ideals found in Japan itself, many would most likely call him an “Asian” white guy. Now this has to do completely with CULTURE not your lineage line. So why I went on this tangent is to really define what I think people should pay more attention to when defining their own race, and I do not mean a white man saying that they are “black” I mean to say that people should not define each other by what they were born with they should identify themselves by their culture which unfortunately we do not really have definitions for non-race related cultural definitions. We should have the many different cultures come up with like a defining word for themselves, this word being not related to lineage but to the ideals of the culture, this being so that people could define there race with such a word or description that is actually useful to the others involved in the conversation. Why have we given such power to such useless words as white or black other then maybe to assist in the description of others in case you made a new friend and were unable to remember their name or something? Why is it that Redhead can be used simply by what it means yet Asian, or another simple adjective causes either confusion, debate, racial, tension, etc. Really race, if you want to take it in the sense of cultural pride has NOTHING to do with the features you were born with, I think race should be based upon the culture which you grew up in, now we just need to figure out non-racial and un-biased words for each culture base, but then again there are many in each country, even town. I just always find myself running in circles mentally when it comes to this type of question, I think that most basically we should not EVER assume (it makes an ass out of “u” and “me”) we should really never even base anything on the lineage line of a person, it essentially means nothing unless the person has made an effort to remain immersed even remotely in the culture of their ancestors. People really just should not pre-judge people by their looks but then again if someone does really respect their ancestral background that is also something to be respected but I would say not to be used as a descriptive for the person themselves.