LurkingGhest
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8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Value of Authenticity · 4 replies · +11 points
So Dancing_Fool – maybe it would help if you didn’t define yourself as logical and rational and everyone else as irrational and foolish. Because you’re not coming across that way. Maybe you were just making an off the cuff frustrated (emotional) remark about “It’s ridiculous that it’s harder to convince someone to spend one night with me instead of 100” but that seems like a silly comment if you give it any thought. I can think of many things where the long-term option would be more attractive than a short-term one, and I don’t have to think very hard. As in – I have to do the same amount of work (finding the job posting, applying, researching the company, preparing for an interview, interviewing) for a part-time job as a full-time job, and I would definitely choose a full-time job over a part-time one. Or if I had to submit an NIH grant, I’d choose having 100 days over one to prepare it. Or if I got, say, free pastries for either one day or 100 days, I’d choose 100. And it’s not even that you’d prefer the short-term option – nothing wrong with that, someone might be only looking for part-time work because of health reasons or to stay home with the kids, and someone on a diet might not want the pastry temptation – but you act like people wanting something longer term is ridiculous.
Same thing with your two options – “women don’t know a good thing when they see it” or “I suck, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Both of these seem like very, very emotional conclusions to come to. Not to mention insulting (insulting to all women, insulting to yourself, and also – insulting to the people here who have given you a lot of different practical things that may help). And people here have provided a lot of alternative explanations (over the course of, I think, several posts now) – so it doesn’t sound like you’re being a good researcher on this topic. Alternative explanations like: you’re asking out the wrong type of woman, you’re not very good at conveying why you’d be a good partner, you want a significantly different type of relationship from the women in your social circle, you are attractive to a small number of women and will have a harder time finding a partner, you’re driving away women by some of the things you say.
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Value of Authenticity · 0 replies · +6 points
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Value of Authenticity · 0 replies · +3 points
I do think reading fiction helped as well as the things you list - getting more life experience, reading personal essays and posts. Another thing that might be helpful to Dancing_Fool - I have something of an advice column addiction and I know that I picked up a lot of concrete suggestions from reading them.They're "nonfiction" and you can read about the thought processes of both the person writing in and the advice columnist, and there are a lot of practical things that are suggested, often for dealing with emotional problems.
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Simple Ways To Impro... · 0 replies · +11 points
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Simple Ways To Impro... · 0 replies · +15 points
Having fun should be, well, fun and if you don't enjoy spending time together, that could be problematic for the whole friendship. Above, empathy and supporting people were listed as good things so even though providing support can be work, it seems like that would be a positive?
Obviously there are a lot of problems that can crop up in any friendship - a friend doesn't have as much time to spend together, they need more support than usual, they have a kid and suddenly everything is about the kid - but those are specific issues rather than a general philosophical problem with friends and social skills.
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Simple Ways To Impro... · 4 replies · +19 points
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - How To Approach Women ... · 25 replies · +13 points
Also, how are any of the women who turn down second dates judging you on you inexperience, unless you tell them you're a virgin during the first date?
And what do you even mean by "romantic uniqueness"? I'm sure everyone knows what you mean by sexual uniqueness (she's a virgin so you're her first for everything sexual).
8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - How To Make Small Talk... · 0 replies · +4 points
Another thing that I don't think was specifically mentioned (although is very much in keeping with the ethos of the site) is that, since you want to try to connect with people, you don't want to be too negative, even if those are your true feelings. For example, I really hated The Dark Knight Rises. Hated it. Was very, very bored seeing the movie. But one time I was talking with a couple people, and one of the guys mentioned he also hated it, so we went off a bit on how bad it was. The other guy quietly mentioned that he liked it and didn't participate in our conversation. Looking back, I felt bad, because we probably made him feel a little bad, or at least excluded, with the ranting. So now even though I'll occasionally mention how I disliked the movie, I do it in a different way. I don't mention every little thing that I hated about the movie and maybe not the most negative sounding thing ("I was so bored, I started judging the music, and that sucked also!"). I mention that I really liked the first two in the trilogy and the couple things I did like about TDKR (I thought Anne Hathaway was surprisingly good and I liked the callbacks to not just the last movie, but the first one - tying up some of those ends). I'll usually talk about how I found it too unbelievable, but generally pair that with the fact that The Dark Knight was unbelievable also, it just worked for me in a sort of melodramatic, operatic way - so I'm not implying that anyone who liked TDKR likes unbelievable, silly things.
Obviously, if there's something that you have absolutely no positive feelings for and aren't interested in, it might be better to just not saying anything, excuse yourself, or try to change the conversation after a bit. If someone is talking about how awesome the current pool of Republican candidates is, and how hard it is to choose, and how they wish they could pick all 16 (17?) of them.....I would know that just isn't a conversation for me at all.
9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Must-Follow Man Rules · 0 replies · +7 points
9 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Must-Follow Man Rules · 0 replies · +5 points