3,280 comments posted · 285 followers · following 0

7 years ago @ The Toast - A note on The Toast · 0 replies · +48 points

Hillary Clinton is in the pocket of Big Toast.

8 years ago @ The Toast - The Pitch Meeting for ... · 0 replies · +30 points

Some people get out of the shower, wrap a towel around their hair, and yet go out in public with their hair shamelessly uncovered.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Just A List Of Every C... · 0 replies · +3 points

I went to an ok go concert once when I was visiting my cousin in California over spring break. They were the headliners but I mostly remember the concert because some band named io echo opened for them, had a sick cover of "I want you (she's so heavy)", and had a song in a phone commercial a couple months later, which was the only time in my life when I felt like I totally had my finger on the pulse of cool underground music.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Captions For Every Ima... · 0 replies · +5 points

Where do they all come from, Cotton Eye Jong?

8 years ago @ The Toast - Sir Gawain And The Gre... · 0 replies · +20 points

Party on, Wa-GARTH.

8 years ago @ The Toast - A Musician Names Things · 0 replies · +4 points

I hear all of this in the voice of Kevin McDonald from the "Bass Player" sketch. It's much less imperious than the voices I imagine many of you are thinking of, but I am pleased with my choice.

9 years ago @ The Toast - Paintings of the Tempt... · 1 reply · +3 points

Which Kansas album? Are you 12 foot tall John Brown?

9 years ago @ The Toast - Christian Youth Group ... · 0 replies · +34 points

A troubled youth pastor is slumped over his desk, head in his hands, when suddenly he bolts upright.

"'So go ahead and tell them Corinthians that!' Perfect! Thank you for your guidance, Lord!"

9 years ago @ The Toast - Christian Youth Group ... · 2 replies · +78 points

Because you know I'm all about that God
Bout that God
No Satan

Somebody has already done this, and whoever they are, they believe that they have finally cracked the code that will let them reach the cynical youth of today.

9 years ago @ The Toast - Things I've Learned Ab... · 3 replies · +11 points

Matt Engarde?