IntenseDebate - Kathleen

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 0 replies · +19 points

That analogy is so incredibly flawed, I can't even.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Overcoming Your Dating... · 1 reply · +4 points

" It means you are not the abuser. "

I assume you mean "now" here?

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Overcoming Your Dating... · 0 replies · +6 points

Well, no. Condom's aren't 100% effective. Neither are STD screenings. They aren't 100% evidence of the person's being clean. This is true whether you have sex with someone off a dating site, a sex worker or a good friend.

So if you want 100% protection, don't have sex with anyone, sex worker or not. If you're willing to accept the reasonable amount of risk inherent in having sex, use a condom and/or a dental dam (you can look up how to turn a condom into an improvised dental dam), and go have fun, with whoever you choose.

The stereotype that sex workers are "dirty" and STD-ridden is a major part of the stigma against them.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Overcoming Your Dating... · 0 replies · +7 points

Not really, no. I've had several partners where, if I'd been asked to guess about their experience levels, would have guessed they had only had a few, or had had many, and found that, in fact, pretty much none of them had had more than 2 or 3 partners in the past.
The difference in their apparent skill levels was their ability and willingness to listen to what I was saying when I was telling them what I liked + some dumb luck of what they liked matching up with what I liked.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Overcoming Your Dating... · 2 replies · +7 points

" Not to mention that there are a lot of ethical issues surrounding the use of sex workers and if you don't want to really hurt anybody in a bad situation than you might want to avoid sex workers. You can never really know about their own choice in the matter despite how they represent themselves."

Wow. Patronizing much?

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Overcoming Your Dating... · 6 replies · +5 points

"It's what kept me from doing it, at least if you want to stay STD free."

On what evidence are you basing this? What is your data?

It would seem to me that buying condoms is fairly inexpensive, and choosing to wear them is free.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Your Guide To New Rela... · 0 replies · +8 points

I'm a Thanksgiving baby. My brother's a New Year's baby. I'm seconding eselle and Psisquared here.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Your Guide To New Rela... · 1 reply · +6 points

Okay, sure. Sweaters are kind of an exception to "no clothes" rule. But why are bra and underwear size on the list of "must have" measurements?

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Your Guide To New Rela... · 0 replies · +5 points

I agree. I was a little disturbed to see how pretty much all of the "must have" stats were geared towards clothing. Personally, when it comes to gift giving, I would think everything but the first 2-3 things on the second list would be the "must have" stats. Favourite movie, TV show, Author, etc. Those are things it's really easy to figure out just in casual conversation, and are pretty good starting places for gift giving ideas.
If a dude wants to buy me anything that requires my ring size, or bra or underwear size, even if I've been dating him for 7 months... I'd probably find that more creepy than anything.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Ways To Improve Your... · 0 replies · +8 points

Honestly, if you can't handle having people be mad while talking to you, maybe that's a thing you should be working on : being able to hear and empathize with people who are angry, and prioritize their need to be listened to over your desire to be comfortable.
You know, much in the same way PoC and women (and trans people and gay people and and and) are expected to prioritize the feelings of their majority counterparts over their own need and desire to be safe and comfortable.
You could try that out, maybe. Because honestly, that whole "I'm not going to care about this unless I'm made comfortable and welcome while hearing about it" is kind of a case study in - in your case - male privilege. Women don't get the option demanding that they be made comfortable or they're not going to care about [issue].

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