210 comments posted · 79 followers · following 0

8 years ago @ The Toast - Reasons Your Flight Ha... · 0 replies · +104 points

I like how the discovery that planes can't fly only delays your flight by 45 minutes.

8 years ago @ The Toast - A Buttery Farewell · 0 replies · +1 points

The Butter has been amazing. I want to thank all of the writers who contributed to it, but most of all Roxanne, whose writing and organization made it all come together. I cannot wait to see what wonderful things you do next!

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 3 replies · +7 points

There may be context or tone that I'm unaware of, but I was offput by Colbert comparing the church massacre to an ancient evil that we thought was gone; it makes me wonder to what extent he's out of touch with what's going on with race in America.

I love Colbert, but like most of us I haven't seen much of who he really is, and I find this worrying.

8 years ago @ The Toast - The State Mondays: Mac... · 1 reply · +7 points

I was kind of disappointed to be reminded that Norm Macdonald ever existed.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Ayn Rand's If You ... · 8 replies · +137 points

The mouse received a cookie, milk, and the use of some household supplies. The mouse cleaned the human's entire house.

I feel like this is a reasonable exchange of goods and services, and that the human arguably got the better end of the deal.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 1 reply · +35 points

Why are so many people still commenting on an article from February 2014? What purpose could this possibly have?

Back then, yes, Ronbledore was a reasonable theory in its infancy. But the past year has uncovered a deluge of supporting information that has transformed Ronbledore into irrefutable, verifiable fact. Ronbledore deniers are now in the minority (as they should be).

Why don't these commenters leave their criticism in more recent articles on Ronbledore? Because they know that any words they could muster would pale in comparison to the knowledge that accredited Ronbledologists have provided.

Let them cling to the past, when fools thought that the Earth was flat and Albus Dumbledore wasn't a time-traveling Ron Weasley. I will be here in the present, and they shall have naught but my pity.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 1 reply · +11 points

Based on the videos I've seen of turtle sex, I totally expected that one to be a dude humping a sneaker.

8 years ago @ The Toast - The 20 Best Pokémon, ... · 0 replies · +13 points

Quick everyone, blow the dust out of your Pokemon Snap cartridges and LET'S ROLL!

8 years ago @ The Toast - The 20 Best Pokémon, ... · 0 replies · +17 points

"GRANDPA, if you bend it like that it's going to be even harder for you to eat your soup."

8 years ago @ The Toast - Considering a Possible... · 6 replies · +25 points

There is nothing under the bed. There never has been before, and there never will be in the future. Unless, of course, there is.

But no, you're an adult. And as an adult, you know that the statistical likelihood of some sort of demon crab beast bursting from the darkness beneath your bed, locking its iron pincers around your ankles, and dragging you into its lair of suffering are astronomically unlikely. Unlikely to the point of impossibility, really. But then, isn't that exactly what it would want you to think? Logic is the greatest weapon of the unnatural.

And when you think about it rationally, what's worse? Getting into bed with a running leap every night for the rest of your life, a bead of sweat dripping down your forehead as you close your eyes and hope that your airborne form is too fast for that which lays in wait beneath? Or letting the hell beast pull one over on you, feasting on your entrails, your last thought as the blood drains from your body being why on earth you didn't listen to your gut when you knew what was at stake?

You are an adult, and you know what needs to be done.