Thanks paddlepickle, that's a good idea! It's funny, I had considered using a pen name for other writing which deals with being a survivor of sexual abuse, and then decided it was important for me to go with my real name (though I can understand others might make different decisions) so I've been in this no-pen-name! head space, but it's a really different issue writing about my kid and I think it *would* make sense for me to use one in that situation.

Thanks for writing this Aubrey. I have a question that isn't really resolved for me yet. One of my children is on the autism spectrum and has other special needs (anxiety and depression) and these challenges brings up lots and lots of things for me as a parent. As a writer, I want to write about these questions. We don't share the same last name so there's some separation already, but I also wonder about the ethics of defining his challenges in a public forum. Someday --perhaps soon! he is 11--he might well be googling my name and I struggle with the idea that my words might confuse or hurt him. He knows he has autism, anxiety and depression but he knows those things in age-appropriate ways. We try to make our home stigma-free and I try to minimize his sense of my worries for/about him. So for now I haven't written publicly about him (except like this, where my handle is not something he would know or search for), until I have some better understanding of how to do it ethically and compassionately. At the same time I think it could be helpful for other parents to read about our experiences. So.... I'm not sure. Anybody have ideas about how to navigate these waters?

I need to see this. TONIGHT.

Those kids will be so lucky to have you. <3

You responded with compassion and eloquence. You seem like a lovely person and your life and love has tremendous meaning even if you are not a parent. I also think that it's really important for children to have other loving adults in their lives who *aren't* their parents. Experiencing the attention and affection and guidance of another adult with whom the child isn't all wrapped up in a complicated parental relationship is really, really important. I wish I had had more of this when I was a child. I guess I'm saying there are other ways to love and know a child in a really meaningful way, aside from being their parent.

I liked this so much! I totally agree that love for a child is not mysteriously superior to other forms of love. I think one thing that's different about loving your child vs. other kinds of love is the massive, unending responsibility that you typically don't have in other relationships (though I'm sure there are exceptions). For instance, the delicious feeling of loving a little sweet being is also mixed with the horror of unending responsibility. Maybe this is also my bias since one of my kids has special needs and that responsibility towards him feels particularly acute, in a way that it doesn't with my neuro-typical other child. Like, if I don't do a good job he could truly be miserable, whereas with my other kid, I think she'd be fine with benign, affectionate neglect (is that an oxymoron?) as opposed to the very active, vigilant, and frankly exhausting parenting I have to do with my firstborn. With other loves, when it's not working out you can walk away, as wrenchingly painful as that might be. With your child, you can't.

People are giving me strange looks at the coffee shop because of unsuccessful efforts to stifle laughter. This is as good as Haribo sugarless gummy bear reviews

Roxane thank you for writing day after day words that heal and words that inspire to action.