Asciles

Asciles

2p

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13 years ago @ Shaun in the City - My Husband is Looking ... · 2 replies · -2 points

He only hides it because he knows you have a problem with it. He is in denial because you are going to make him feel ashamed. You are not his parent. You are his wife. If he feels you will be judgmental....he will not ever tell you. He may not feel there is anything wrong with peeking at porn. Men do it---and like I said---some women do too. Do not believe all of these men and women here who are saying they don't watch porn or that they are cured from watching it....they are lying. They may not buy it----may not own it but remember---long before porn was on film or in magazines---people fantasized----they always will. They will fantasize about their spouse and sometimes another person too (but it doesn't mean they would ever leave their spouse for that other person or even cheat) It's natural.

I think those who say different....are just lying to themselves and this board. Over time people change.....people gain weight....people look different....people grow older...more tired...busy------you may not find yourself as physically attracted to your mate as you used to be...especially in cases where people have truly just let themselves go and go in a terrible way (and some do). It's different if you are sick or had children and gained a little weight....no one expects you to remain the same but if you gain 200 pounds (man or woman) and just become a slob--don't take care of yourself at all...don't dress up like you used to...that could become a problem over time...You love your spouse take care of yourself for them... in the cases where one loses attraction......even if you do TRULY LOVE THEM and don't desire anyone else at all....... you may use porn to help you get excited. This is reality. Is someone going to say that what I am saying is not true??

Again, if someone uses porn ALL of the time....is watching it day and night....if it is taking over your lives....the other would rather watch it than be with you as opposed to just peeking at it sometimes THIS IS A PROBLEM and you have a right to be upset about it. If you have a spouse who is insecure or a prude----it will be a problem but it's not YOUR problem---it's their problem. You need to help them through and respect their feelings but it won't stop you from watching porn if you truly desire to watch it sometimes. The woman here who said she left her husband because he watched porn?? That's crazy. You'll be alone forever then because most men watch porn at some point. They are not all crazy about it or even look at it all the time....but they will look and do look if the opportunity presents itself to them. Men are visual beings... The others here who are installing spyware on your computers to hold your spouses accountable.....BIZARRE...okay! That's insanity. I would do that to my children ONLY but never to my adult spouse and I certainly wouldn't allow my spouse to do it to me! You are only forcing the man or woman to look even more and they will somewhere else if they truly have a REAL problem and if they don't have a problem...they will just end up resentful of you for treating them like a child and a criminal! What kind of marriage is that??? My spouse and I don't have secrets...we use one another's computers etc... and we communicate openly. I have never felt the need to spy on my spouse and I hope he's never felt the need to spy on me. Many of you are creating unnecessary stress in your marriages and lives...crazy to me! Anyway, I just had to say this after reading some of these posts! If you cant' be honest on a message board where you are anonymous basically---then I wonder what you are like in real life????

13 years ago @ Shaun in the City - My Husband is Looking ... · 3 replies · -1 points

These people are married. Why does her husband feel the need to hide his 'like' of porn? Is he addicted or does he just peek every now and then? Does he prefer it over her? What's the problem here exactly?

Get real people. I am a woman and I first want to say---this is NOT an issue. It's ONLY an issue because there are so many prude, insecure, judgmental people. Looking at porn is cheating? It is not. Also, women enjoy porn as well. Why is this being made into a male issue. I'm sure that more males enjoy it because men are in general more open when it comes to sex. However, women enjoy it as well. It's either something you like or don't like. It doesn't mean you are evil or a sinner because you watch it.

I am a happily married woman. My husband and I have been married for years. We both share a relationship with God. I would never allow ANYONE else to define what being a Christian and/or having a relationship with the Lord is...so please do not try. I KNOW what it means and I'm content with my relationship with Him...so is my husband.

I don't care who you are, what church you belong to, or what religion you are. I most of all do not care about what you have to say especially when you are not even being honest with yourself---because the truth is that WE are sexual beings. God made us that way. It's natural. We lust (you lusted after your wife or husband PRIOR to marriage and you still do now I would HOPE so!) You also see other people that you find attractive each and every single day---men and women. Again, women stop behaving as if you are as pure as snow. I am a woman. I know better. Just because you see an attractive person and notice they are attractive that does not mean YOU are going to leave your spouse for that person or even RISK your marriage to engage in sex with that person----oftentimes you just notice. Who doesn't notice an attractive person??? You are lying if you say you do not. You still have eyes even if you are married. God gave you those eyes. Just so long as you are not staring at someone or actually lusting after them where is the problem????? Sometimes we notice others and never give a second thought to them.

Porn--again, what is the problem? If two people are married they should be able to be open and honest about sex---particularly if they are having sex! People today get married and engage in sex----even engage in sex prior to marriage and do all types of things BEFORE marriage but then we want to be prude when we get married....we don't know how to talk about sex, we don't know how to ask for what we want, we are made to feel ashamed when we want to try something new with our spouse----not with someone else! What is that all about? When you are married you should be able to enjoy sex freely with your spouse with an OPEN MIND. This is your spouse---not a stranger! You are married before God and the law. If no one is getting hurt, no one feels humiliated or belittled---or used/abused in some way--then where is the problem? If your spouse wants to try a new position or has a fantasy he wants to act out with you....if it's something that isn't far fetched then why wouldn't you at least try??? I'm not talking about threesomes or bringing ANYONE into YOUR marital bed. I'm talking SOLELY between man and wife.

The problem sometimes is that a husband (or wife for that matter) feels they are lacking something in their sex lives--maybe they want excitement, they just want passion, something different with their spouse but one spouse is not willing, is prude, judgmental......just can't approach them about it. It's ridiculous. Some use porn to fulfil those fantasies. Some use it to just get ideas---maybe they want to learn/become less inhibited. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, if anyone is married for a period of time----the love is there--the passion is there---you still have amazing sex----even YOU will want to try something new at some point. You will have spells when you go without sex---maybe one is on a business trip--or someone is ill.....why not use porn at that time. You are not out cheating with someone else. Your spouse is not cheating. He may watch but think of you while watching. He may want to try this with you or it may just be his/her release.....stress....you are not available....whatever it is...if it's not taking over your lives....if you feel your husband still lusts after you....if he takes a peek every now and then....why do you feel insecure about it. You don't like it? Don't watch. You could watch with him.... those people in those videos are a fantasy....they are not real---they are most times fake....they are not the type of people MOST people would leave their spouses for---NOT EVER. Get real! It's just a fantasy...that's it.