It is hard for us, as individuals to relate on a deeper level with others so we take the easy way out and relate to surface similarities such as race or ethnicity. To completely empathize with another human being we have to dig deeper and go below these unsubstantial connections. I should not just care about how all middle class white college girls are feeling, I should care about how we communicate our emotions to one another as humans. This semester I became part of a soc 300 class called More Than Words. In the course the fifteen of us developed our conversation skills and skyped with Muslim students in the Gaza Strip. I knew that the class would take me outside my comfort zone and force me to open up to students on the other side of the world who I never thought I would become friends with. I have developed a deep emotional tie to my skyping partner Ahlam and am so happy that I have had the chance to get to know her. We have discussed some difficult subjects including our religious views (I am an atheist and she is a devote Muslim), war and politics, and even our sex lives. Even though I know I will probably never meet her in person, I still love her and she is as much a part of my family as any of my blood siblings are. But what I really took away from More Than Words was the connections and relationships I made with my peers in the class. I knew I was expected to connect with my partner but I never thought I would become so close to my classmates. We are from all different backgrounds, religions, sexual orientations, countries, and races. Despite these differences and them not being in ‘my group’ I have become so invested in the bond we have created that I can not imagine not being friends with them. Probably the biggest and most unlikely friendship I made was with another girl in More Than Words. We are completely different in just about every aspect of life and appearance, but we have both dealt with a similar struggle: sexual assault. I would never wish for another person to go through such a traumatic experience of being so violated, but we have become a support group for one another. The fact that she could even open up to me about it made me realize that we should not just care about ‘the white team’ or ‘the black team’ or who we think we can be friends with. We truly can empathize with all others and our superficial differences should not hinder that type of development.

My parents would not care if I was in a lesbian or in an interracial relationship. I am straight so I have not had to experience telling my parents that I was gay, but I have dated people who are of a different race then me. When I first started dating my former boyfriend Tarik, it never even crossed my mind to bring up his skin color to my parents before they met him. And when they did meet him, his dark skin did not deter my family from getting to know him and really liking him. My mom and dad have always taught me to respect other people and to not judge others because of differences such as race or sexual orientation. I know many of my friends would get in trouble if they brought home a black guy, especially my friends who are Asian or Indian. I found this really surprising that their parents would hold such racist views on other people of color. A few of my friends who have come out of the closet were shunned by their parents and families. I am lucky to know that my relationship with my parents is open enough that we can talk about these issues and that I feel safe telling them about my life choices. I do not have to be worried about my parents or family members disowning me for being gay or being in an interracial relationship. Despite my parents being a bit older than most of my peers parents (I’m the youngest of my siblings with an age gap of ten years) they are more accepting than I would have thought. They grew up in the fifties when race and homosexuality was just not an acceptable thing to talk about, especially as white people. Both of my parents have friends in the LGBT community and friends of different races and have always talked about this with me and my siblings. Also I have guncles (gay uncles) who have always been a part of my life and childhood and other family members of different races. Going along with this topic of who one can date, is the idea of interreligious relationships. I am an atheist and my Christian aunt is married to a Jewish man and this has never been seen as strange or not ok in my family. Maybe I was just lucky with the family I grew up with because I got to experience so many different types of people from all types of backgrounds and never thought to judge them. I think as a community and a society we need to be more open with our children and families so we can teach love and respect to all people, not just straight white Christians who are above the poverty line.

While discussing who each of us would save if we could only save our mother, our spouse, or our child I, along with the majority of the class, decided to save my child. I found it really interesting that most people in our society pick the child to save and it shows how future oriented we are as a country and culture. The rest of the class picked their spouse to save and a very select few saved their mothers. What else does this say about who we are? As a whole, most of us are unmarried and without children. This being said why did we save people who we do not even have a real relationship with? The spouse and child are fictional at this point for me but my mom is real. I love my mom and care about her greatly but I did not even think twice about saving my unborn and nonexistent of child. To make my choice even more confusing is the fact that I can not and never will be able to have children of my own. Due to a traumatic disease and surgery I can not birth children or even have a surrogate mother. So why did I still pick to save a child that I will never have? Is it just so programmed into us as women or as a society that we must save our children because it is the right thing to do? Why not save the potential love of our life? Or the person who actually gave you life? We can look at this many different ways and these choices are not necessarily bad, but these choices do tell us more about our society. Also, when we start to break down the groups of people who picked each different person we look at their background as well. Do more men or women save their mothers? Are foreign students more likely to save their spouse than American students? Does the age make a difference? I think it would be really interesting to take a survey of the class and find out each persons gender, age, race, and ethnicity and see what each person picked and whether or not there is a cultural or societal pattern. Does it change from generation to generation? Despite the simplicity of this question it does bring up a lot of strange insights to how we function as a society and what is seen as the correct or right choice or decision. I think Sam should delve more into this topic in class or have a research study on this subject. Maybe it will not happen this semester but possibly next semester if time allows for it.

I think a lot of what we, as young women, wear is very sexual and open, but at the same time disrespectful to ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing shirts that make my boobs look good or sporting spandex leggings. However, why do we wear these things? Is it for ourselves or for men or for other women? If we weren’t trying to show off or impress others would be still dress that way? Or if appearances were not important would this even be an issue? Wearing a bikini or short skirt gives me confidence and I love that feeling, but why does showing skin give me this kind of high? Is it truly disrespectful or is it respect? Since confidence has to do with self-esteem who can it also be connected to disrespect of oneself? My world in conversation partner, Ahlam, is a Muslim college student living in Gaza and she wears a hijab. We talked about why she wears it and why she doesn’t see me as less respectable for not wearing one. She said that it is part of her religion and it just something that is part of her culture. Ahlam said that she feels connected to her hijab and that most of the time she forgets to take it off even when at home. She feels more confident while wearing her hijab because she feels her peers are judging her on what she has to say and not on what she looks like. The level of modesty that she lives in is extremely different, because I will dress sexy when going out so men will look at me and I like it. But Ahlam would never ever do such a thing but she does not think any less of me because of it and I believe that is the most important part of understanding others’ choices. Sometimes I wish we lived in a society that women were not expected to dress sexy, because it would put a lot of pressure off of appearances and more on personality and intellect. I know most women would not agree with me and believe that wearing whatever they want is liberating and I think at times it is. I’m not sure where we should draw the line on what is respectful and what is disrespectful, but it should be each person’s choice and not a law. If the government told me I had to cover my body I would be upset and hate it, but if our society changed and viewed modesty as important then maybe more women would wear different clothes. But as I see it we will continue to wear what we want because it is part our culture.

I read the Hunger Games when the books first came out (not trying to sound like a hipster or anything, but I loved the books before the movie hype) and I fell in love with Rue. As the article showed, the book clearly stated that Rue was black and I think one of the main themes of the book was that everyone is affected by the violence and hate generated by the ‘games’. During the novel, Katniss takes Rue under her wing and views and treats Rue the same way she would when talking to her little sister Prim. Rue’s horrific death made me cry and I never even thought about the fact she was black. Her skin color did not change the fact that I was sick to my stomach from reading about a child dying for entertainment. When I saw the Hunger Games being advertised I thought the casting was perfect. I did picture Katniss being a little bit darker, maybe Asian or Native American, but Rue’s casting was spot on. After reading those tweeter posts my mouth literally dropped. How can anyone say such racist things, especially about a child? Isn’t this trilogy supposed to be about the evil of war and oppression and yet these ‘fans’ no longer love Rue when it turns out that she is black. Did they not even read the book? It was quite clear that Rue is black and from the south. Still, even if someone overlooked that detail why did it change the way they felt about her? Does her skin color really change the raw emotions they had when they read about a little girl being brutally murdered? Is a little girl only innocent if she is a blonde hair blue eyed white ‘angel’? What kind of image is this showing young girls and boys who aren’t white? Are they supposed to think they are bad and not worthy of others’ tears because of their skin color? This type of behavior shows that our society still needs to change a lot before everyone can live in a positive environment. When a lovable character like little Rue is shunned for being black what does that tell the world about us? As the next generation to run this world we need to think long and hard about what is needed to transformation our lives. Our advertising needs to change, our movies, our songs, even our stereotypes need to be altered. Until I can turn on the TV and see a commercial where a mixed family is buying a house or shopping together, things are still suck on racism. Yes, today things are politically correct and we show black or Asian families or couple but never mixed or homosexual. Why is this? Why isn’t our generation doing anything about this?

I think it is disgusting that a child was murdered and that shooter has not been charged and brought to justice. It shouldn't matter if Trayvon was white or black he should have justice, but the world we live in makes race an issue. Trayvon was a child and he will never get to go to college and will never be able to have children of his own because a man murdered him because he looked suspicious. Was he suspicious because he was wearing a hoodie or because he was black? If it is because he was wearing a hoodie then I guess I can never one again. But that is not why he was killed. Trayvon was killed because he was black and that is painful to hear. As a white person I feel resentment at times when I talk about issues such as these from both other white people and people of color. Nothing will change if this issue of race becomes everyone's problem not just a specific group's problem. We need to work together to make a difference and find justice for all the Trayvons out there.
I have no idea how we can do this but it will take all of us to make a change. If we are judged on being bad or good by the color of our skin then we have not progressed at all from the civil rights movement and the time of Martin Luther King Jr. If a child can be killed solely because he is black and his murder will not be charged or even have his gun taken means that this is a messed up world and an unfair world. All I can think about is how I am nineteen and that means that Trayvon was two years younger than me when he was killed. If I had been shot down by a neighborhood watch while walking through my neighborhood, my killer would have been arrested on the spot because I am a young white women and that is not fair. It does not make me feel good to know that in our society I am more valued than a black boy, it makes me sick. We are all equals; we all have dreams and ideas and loved ones. My life is not worth more than another person’s just because I am white and they are black.
The scary thing is that many people do think certain people are worth more than others. Whether it is subtle or obvious the racism that exists today is just as dangerous as the racism that destroyed lives in the past. Until we all strive for the betterment of all people and not just our own ‘race’ we will continue to stay in this place of pain and death.

I think the most important thing to think about when discussing war or your stance on war is empathy. Can we understand the other side's reasoning or a third party's opinion on the situation? If we cannot then we will never learn and never improve our lives and the lives of those around us. I have always tried to keep an open mind about what is going on in the world and not just the United States' view. Until recently, however, I had completely grasped what true empathy means. It does not mean comparing your experiences to another person and relating to your own experience, because that turns the focus back on yourself. The true concept of empathy is being able to emotionally feel and accept some one's tragedies and hardships. Through another World In Conversation Project I'm involved in called "More Than Words" I have developed a friendship with a Muslim student in Gaza. We literally have nothing in common. She is a devote Muslim and I am an atheist. She wears a hijab and will have an arranged marriage while I share a bed with my boyfriend. I'm safe and she is not. When I wake up early (due to the seven hour time difference) to skype her I never know if she will log on. Not because she is busy or forgot but her and her entire city's electricity may have been cut or her house could have been bombed. During one causal conversation about our families she told me that she hates having a big family. I assumed she felt this way because she had to share a room or did not get as much attention from her parents but I was wrong. She said that all the families in her city have big families because they know not everyone will survive the conflict and bombings, that most children are extras so some might live. How can you look at a person who has been through so much and not empathize with them? This is not about picking sides or being political this is just about being a human. But when is comes to war (this particular engagement does not necessarily haven American troops involved however our government supports Israel the conflict with Palestine) each nation, each group inevitably supports their own troops. This is normal and expect and not evil. I love my father and he is a lieutenant colonel in the United States Marine Corps and I love my brother who is in the 715th Ranger Battalion. But I also understand that enemy we kill has loved ones and experiences the same emotions of lose, love, pride and guilt that we do. So if my father was killed by a sniper in Afghanistan I would hate that person and understandably so but what if my father was the sniper and killed someone? Wouldn't that soldier's family and friends be allowed to hate my father? This world is not perfect and war will happen no matter what I write on this blog but if I can both love my family members who are in the military and love my Muslim sister in Gaza then maybe others can learn to empathize as well.

Seeing this picture did not make me gasp or say ‘that is so weird’ or ‘more people should take these types of pictures to bring about a positive image of the gay military community’, it made me cry. After dealing with the deployments of my father and my brother-in-law and never knowing if this phone call or hug would be the last I know that these two men are just happy and grateful to be in each other’s arms again. Every day was a struggle knowing that my loved ones were overseas and in danger. I would have nightmares that I would wake up to a phone call from my mom or sister saying that our worst fear had occurred. The only difference between this marine and his boyfriend is that I was openly allowed to stress and think about my family without criticism. If I had posted a picture of my older sister and her husband kissing after finally being reunited I would have received positive feedback from anyone viewing the picture. But these two men have to deal with others questioning their actions, why? Does it truly tarnish your life that two men are in love? How does their affection for one another make any detrimental difference in your day? However, I found it interesting that one of the commentators says that he hopes for a day when this is not a top news story and that it is just normal to see a homosexual couple kissing or embracing. Eventually, I feel that this will come about in the near future, because during our grandparents and parents’ generation interracial couples were taboo and now it is much more in the norm. For the most part people did not look at me differently when I would hold my boyfriend’s hand and why should they? Just because he is African American did not make him any less of my boyfriend then if he had been white. So if society feels that it is discrimination to not allow an interracial couple to get married then why is it acceptable to bar a homosexual couple from the same rights? I know this is getting a tad bit preachy but honestly this marine is fighting for freedom, which we Americans hold so highly above all else, and yet he is not given those same exact freedoms that he is sacrificing for. Does that make sense? Nope. Not at all and until society can see past these illogical ways of thinking then we will not be able to progress and move forward as a cohesive community. It is almost as if our way of life almost demands that there be a second class status among us and that when one group outwardly rebels and gains those rights to no longer be second class we must find a new group to focus our negative energy on.

How do we solve the issue of race? Are we to ignore it and just hope it goes away over time? Or do we become proactive and make an individual effort? As an extremely boring middle class white girl that grew up in a suburban area, literally named Cow Valle, I sometimes feel that my opinion on race is null and void. But then again as a ‘privileged white person’ that means that I should use my ‘power’ to make a positive difference. If the world is truly suited for my ‘white’ needs then I can express myself and cause a change and bring about a discussion of race. I do not how I would go about making a change that matters. I believe that we should not be colorblind to race because it will just push the problems under the rug. But instead we should embrace the beauty of each other both physically, mentally and culturally. The only way, I think, that works for ending discrimination over race is by being open to learning about each other and respecting others views. However, we cannot just stop there we must then place those values of openness and respect in our friends, family, and community. But will this work for everyone? Will it really make a difference? It all depends on whether others decide to try to change. When you get to know someone on a personal level on the physical traits melt away and it is just your relationship with them. I have been skyping with another student who lives in the Gaza Strip and we are now extremely close. But most people would say “Oh, she’s from Palestine, she must be a terrorist or supports Hamas.” If we do not look at people as individuals we will constantly group them into a larger crowd and though this can be bother positive and negative, I feel that when we do this off of race is tends to be at least somewhat negative. So who is willing to break down the barriers and actually learn about people on a deeper level? It is not easy to do and many people (maybe even me) will not be able to fully commit to this way of thinking. How can we make this happen? Do we have to bring everything into the open and drag it out until everyone is uncomfortable for any of us to make a change? Would we even be talking about race and the issues surrounding it if we were not in Soc 119 right now? Are we only talking about this because we have to? Would any of us who are white be talking about it? Either way let us begin the conversation.

To answer Sam’s question on what is the underlying life energy: I have no idea. I thought I was brought up in a pretty generic Lutheran home, but then I realized some things did not fit. Neither of my parents are Lutheran so it is strange that all of my siblings have been baptized as such. My dad is Catholic and my mom is Presbyterian, but they are not devote or practicing Christians. To make things even stranger my extended family is Jewish or Buddhist. So as a child I did not understand how we could all have different beliefs and that only one of us could be right. I tried extremely hard to be a part of this community of God and no matter what I did it felt fake to me. I went on mission trips, I went to church and temple and to many other places of worship, and I read the Bible and the Torah and the Quran. I have talked with my brother who is a self-described Jesus Freak and my sister who believes that we are all spiritual beings.
Still it did not click with me and I realized that I was a ‘nonbeliever’ and it sucked. How am I supposed to explain that I am here but do not know why I am here. How do I explain why all of these other people believe in god or heaven? Why are there so many religions if there is no god? How did the universe begin? Was it the big bang theory, an accident, or what? Am I result of evolution? I believe I am but I do not know how all this works, I do not know what energy courses through the earth to make it thrive with life. Are we like the Na’vi in the movie Avatar where all the energy is connected through touch or is it all accidental advancement? My ignorance does not mean I will just ignore the issue. I will continue to explore and question why we are here if not because of a god.
And then we watch video’s like the one Sam showed in class about how we are all monkeys and I think “that pretty much sums up what I think” and still others think that it is utter bullshit. But why do we all have these different views? Do we just want to believe that there is a god or heaven just so we do not feel so alone in this world? Are we just that scared of death that we must believe there is something after this life? Maybe it is just a human need to believe in god and if that is true then I guess I am an outsider on all of this. So my answer remains that I have no idea why we are here or what this life means but I am sure going to find out.