You know one of the biggest barriers we face in getting people interested in becoming foster parents is that they they it costs lots of money. A possible followup post for you could be to list out this same chart for your foster adoption

Homestudy $0
Travel fees $50
Application fees $0
Birth Certificate $0
court fees $0
Post placement fee $0

If you wanted to be really charitable you could also list out the monthly stipend you got, plus the AAP money you continue to receive, the health insurance payments you aren't paying and the IRS refund you received.

It could be that the adoption of one son actually funded the other!

adopting through foster care is generally considered a "special needs adoption" so you get the entire tax credit back even if you had no expenses. A 2010 adoption would give you over $13,000. I think the Dave Thomas Foundation probably has more info on it.

I think part of the question "why didn't you send the money directly to Haiti" stems from the notion adoptive parents give that they are "rescuing children". I think you're right, if you want to grow your family through adoption, it's a justified expense. Certainly much more justified in my mind than the crazy things people do for fertility treatments (and boob jobs).

BUT, if a family is adopting because they view themselves as saviors, then there are MUCH better things they should be doing with their money. The #1 thing I can think for them to do is to send their $20 Grand to some organization that promotes in-country domestic adoption. (here's an example) Caring for the world's orphans is not solely the responsibility of American Christians. It's also the job of Haitan, Ethiopian and Russian Christians. If we really want to SOLVE the orphan crisis, we must engage local churches in becoming the solution in their own communities. That money will go much further in helping orphans in-country than it will on 4 round trip tickets on British Airways.

Kait, mentioned fraud and corruption. Here are the basic facts, if you show up with $20-$40,000 in a third world country and say "I want a baby" you're going to attract attention. Even if you do everything right, that kind of money is going to get people's wheels spinning. Money is a magnet for corruption. Most people will probably adopt "true orphans" but there will be some "created orphans" to satisfy demand. In addition, in almost every country where they close down international adoptions, their orphan crisis is somehow solved within a few years, domestically. Where it's not, we need to be challenging the aspects of their culture that continue to cause the problem. Haiti needs to end slavery. China needs to value women. Those are the root causes of their orphan problem. Economic Poverty rarely causes orphans and is never a good reason for a child to leave her birth family.

Some more thoughts on "bad reason to adopt" here : http://www.graphicdesignhero.com/blog/2009/05/18/...

Lastly, I know what you were getting at, but "other people make bad decisions with their money too" is a really poor argument (and I don't at all think you misspent your money). I doubt you'd stand for it if Mark was asking for another new Segway.

Oh also, I'm sure you've read it. We are deeply committed to Love & Logic. BUT things got a lot better for us after reading "Beyond Consequences". It helped to recognize when our daughter's brains were locked in a traumatic state rather than just being defiant.

We offered choices but we control what the choices are.

nice job. I saw this cool poster for the The Crucible too
http://boxofficepop.com/plays/crucible