SJade's Comments

Bittersweet : Advice?

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:32:54 +0000

That's quite a...triangle. I personally think it's awkward to date a friend's ex, but to each his own. If you're all friends, there's no reason he can't talk to your friend/his ex. It's just more complicated when you're all connected. You should have considered the risk of losing him as a friend beforehand, but it's too late now. If anything, you may be over analyzing his actions or something's up. If you honestly think something is up, open the convo gently and ask him what's wrong. If he insists there is nothing wrong, take his word for it. I mean you have to trust each other, right? However, if you can read him well and he's lying...then you'll have to deal with that, too. Just don't lose your cool, and use your head a little more in this case. Never be afraid to ask things that are of genuine concern.

Bittersweet : The Dash

Sat, 8 Aug 2009 05:38:18 +0000

Ah moving! Where to? Yeah everyone needs a little time to themselves :) That's what I'm doing right now.

Bittersweet : Advice?

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 21:35:04 +0000

Oh no no! You misunderstood me. I meant for YOU to not go near to being suicidal. Since you've mistaken what I said I'll take it as a good sign x)

Bittersweet : Advice?

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 16:11:06 +0000

Don't worry about what everyone else is asking. It's pretty much a free for all unless someone asks something that's totally bs. Anyway, I can relate. I fall into those phases sometimes. In fact, I'm kind of going through another myself. The lack of motivation thing is hard to overcome when everything seems to be bland or just suck. If you have time, maybe try doing something you love/are passionate for. Then you'd be spending time instead of wasting time. Or even try to learn something new, it could get you hyped up. My father doesn't see eye to eye with me either, in fact pretty much my whole family, but sometimes you gotta go off on your own and learn who you are. Not that I'm telling you to rebel, but this is the time for self-discovery and that includes doing what you enjoy. If your father fails to accept that or realize that, then it's unfortunate for him. He'll be missing out on your growth. Otherwise you're only living that bittersweet life on the bitter side. If you don't find yourself you'll live in misery. I mean in the end we only have ourselves, so what do you have if you're lost? Life may not seem like it's going anywhere for now, but when you get out into the world you may be doing more. Or you could take action and venture out there. It's up to you to either wait 'til you get out, or if you're impatient do something now. Get back to me on what you'll decide to do :) PS: don't even touch the brim of suicide, it's a dark place.

Bittersweet : The Dash

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:50:38 +0000

Glad you enjoyed it ^^ How have you been?

Bittersweet : Advice?

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:56:48 +0000

First off, often we can't deny our feelings because they're there. Even if we're not ready for a new relationship or anything, it doesn't mean we have to push the feelings away, too. Sometimes they're there for a reason, perhaps a good reason and should pursue it eventually. Sometimes. Relationship's one thing, feelings are another, just don't feel pressured to do something about it when you're not ready :). That's...quite the predicament. Your ex was a complete dick (excuse me) to pull that shit on you. If he was mature and had any courtesy, he could've at least broken up with you in your presence and vamoose rather than send a worthless. That and he owed you a valid reason, or any reason at all really. That was a low blow, and since it was out of the blue I would understand why it still pains you now. However, we don't always get the closure we need from the other person to move on. It's unfortunate that the other person usually doesn't realize or are too selfish to care, they just want it over and done with. That being said, you have to close the doors on your own and enjoy what you have now. For yourself and for your current/future relationships. I've experienced being with someone who was in your predicament, and their pain became my pain. I felt insignificant due to their lack of faith in me/us when I was trying to be the best partner I could be. I also cared for him a lot, loved him a lot, but the remnants of his ex was just overpowering. So if the guy you're with has sincere feelings for you and cares for you then he's probably getting some negative feedback from you which will hurt him, too, if not already. At the same time, if he knows the cause of all this impatience and such, he could try helping by reassuring you that he means no harm. You both will have to work on nurturing it, but ultimately you have to close the door to the past first. Don't let your past become their past. At least you're aware of why it's happening, and the question is whether you can/will close the door and live.

Bittersweet : Advice?

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 22:12:30 +0000

Awesome! I'm so proud of you!! I think it's a smart move :). Of course I would want to know, and thank you for updating me! You will be okay, if you need to talk you can still come here ^^

Bittersweet : Advice?

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 22:07:54 +0000

Uh that depends on what you would be saying if you took that foot out. If it's something offensive, then keep it in. If it's something you should voice out, then just do it.

Bittersweet : Playgrounds

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 22:06:20 +0000

I don't see much of a difference though. You get hurt, you get hurt. If the kid isn't bashing their skull in, I don't see how bad the injury can be O.o...haha I wouldn't be surprised...better yet, personal bubbles.

Bittersweet : Advice?

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 23:46:58 +0000

Let's put it into perspective. You both know you deserve more and better. You both don't want to let each other go. So tell me this, if you seem so important to him, then why doesn't he leave the other person? If anything HE has to make a choice. You, on the other hand, HAVE to let it go for your own good if he doesn't make a choice. If someone truly loves you, they should love only you. If not to the ideal full extent, you could wait...but in this case what exactly are you waiting for? I can tell you to walk away all I want, but it's up to you to be strong enough to do it. You know it's not good for you

Bittersweet : Marriage

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 23:42:11 +0000

Thanks!

Bittersweet : Advice?

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 23:29:04 +0000

Ah, I understand the family thing. Sometimes just because they're your family, it doesn't mean you have to deal with unnecessary bull, that is if it actually is bull. If it's an actual issue, try to be of assistance since it is also your family. As for the girl, I'll give it to you straight and I'll be harsh. It looks like no matter what you do, she won't share the same feelings. So it's all futile. Destroying yourself isn't going to make matters any better, and if anything you'll be the cause in the end even if it started out with conflicts of a girl. So step out of the bloody loop for yourself. For the better. Don't destroy yourself for someone else if you know that's what your doing. What's the point? Get out before it becomes a spiral. Get professional help if you must. Also, you don't have to disclose information just because you feel for someone. Some things can be left unsaid, some things are personal and other people don't have to know. If she's going to judge you rather than help you, then you can see where you place in her life. So why go through all that for someone who may not even bother with you? You don't go through it. If you keep doing what you're doing, either way you're going to lose. So try to at least keep yourself by stopping all this.

Bittersweet : Advice?

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:38:34 +0000

Well to be blunt, they're not your friends if they're going to act that way. You can be their friend, but if they're not going to play the role then that's just one sided. Aside from that, could it be paranoia? As in you read into every gesture and you think they're ignoring you? Having a boyfriend is nice, yes. It's like having someone who will always be at your side. However, some people tend to reply on their partners too much, and they become less independent so that when they are alone they can't seem to stand it. Us chicas can be really sappy, but life isn't romance movies and fairy tales. Shit happens, and sometimes luck happens. Life is really random, and full of surprises. You may think you're doomed, then something good comes along. Or vice versa. It'll come with time. Might as well wait for someone who will suit you rather than anyone who would give you the attention. I would say get new friends, but above all learn to be independent. That way, you can endure a lot more as an individual. It comes with growing up, so don't fret :). Remember: All you have in the end is yourself.

Bittersweet : Of Men Conversing

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:59:43 +0000

Anytime :). It's hard to lose insecurities, but learn to like yourself and...it'll just come. At least it did for me. Just go on with your life, something will come up. No need to apologize, everything is open. Besides, you started with a relevant reply and it turned into a discussion. All good!

Bittersweet : Advice?

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:25:38 +0000

First of all, place your left hand in the air in front of you. Now, raise your right hand above it. Now smack yourself! Cheating= BAD BAD BAD BAD. I'm sure we all know that, and need to know NO to do it. You're incredibly lucky that she took you back and gave a second chance. Can't say too much if you do it again, though. If you truly love her, if you truly think she's the one then why would there be any desire to see what else is out there? Usually people feel that way when they haven't committed, when they think they don't have enough experience to commit, when they think they're still too young, etc. Meeting new people is one thing, trying to get with them is a whole new different level. It's in your will power to refrain from cheating again. You've done it once already and you know the results. It's definitely hard long distance, but it means a lot of effort and keeping with communication to tough it out. If you think you really can't do it, I would suggest for you to call it off. It will save a lot of pain. So it's pretty much either your girl, or the others. Which is more important?

Bittersweet : Advice?

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:20:31 +0000

No problem! It's a whoever wants advice kinda thing. Everyone is welcomed pretty much :). Hm, if the feelings are mutual (and they are) then I don't see why she wouldn't want your company. Being apart can take a toll on the feelings. For whatever reason that you are unable to see her, you should at least keep ibe contact with her via msn, email, phone, etc. Communication is pretty key in a lot of things. Try to reach her if it's not too late, otherwise she may even take it that you're not interested anymore =/.

Bittersweet : Advice?

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 02:14:33 +0000

I'm sorry to hear that she ignored you for a while. It's one of those things of awkwardness and trying to force you to be distant so that your feelings won't develop further. Unfortunately, it also comes with feeling like crap. She must be quite the girl for you to fall again :). Well, she has a boyfriend and whether you like it or not, you're going to have to respect that and not meddle. Meddling=BAD. Plus, it will make you appear to be a jerk and...who likes a jerk? So pretty much yeah, you'll have to wait and see. If they don't last, let them run their course. Perhaps one days she'll realize you're someone she can be with. Sometimes it takes hurt and suffering to be able to see what's right there. That's sometimes, so don't rely on that. In the meantime, just be a good friend to her :)

Bittersweet : Of Men Conversing

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:42:01 +0000

On the whole unattractiveness aspect, that's subject to each person's perspective. Because you already assume that's the cause of a lack of dating life, it can show you're not confident with yourself which...could be a factor, too. It's a cliche, but to see it in another pov it can be that: if you're not confident with yourself, if you don't believe in yourself, then why should someone else? Never think you're unworthy. Anyway, it could be just lousy luck on your part when someone else has already been taken. I mean, it took years for a close friend of mine to find a decent girl who will stay with him. Sometimes these things take time, and perhaps it will be well rewarding in the end. Life is very random, you'll never know when things will happen. There's nothing wrong with getting to know a person prior to dating. In fact, I find that strategy to be way better than just jumping in. You can still have an idea of what you would want in a "real" relationship even with a lack of experience. It's just with experience, you can hone those ideas. Don't be so hard on yourself, chum. Life is hard enough on us as it is, the least we can do is give ourselves some slack.

Bittersweet : Advice?

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:29:38 +0000

What you said to her makes sense, so it wasn't wrong. Here's my opinion: a) no offense, but it was wrong for both you and her to be doing that behind the husband's back. Whether she still has feelings for him or not, as a gesture of respect neither of you should have done anything until the deal with her and her husband was cleared. She should've figured out that part of her life before you became a part of it as well. It wasn't really fair. Well, what's been done is done. b)It's unfair to be having his baby, yet leaving him so that someone else could be the father. I mean, how would he feel? Sometimes even a person who has done unspeakable things to their spouse can soften up when it comes to their own flesh and blood. However, if it actually is for the better good, then she should leave him for the sake of her and the child, not just to be with you. c)Having to be a father to another man's child can make you feel conflicted. A child, ideally, needs two parents. Flesh and blood or not, the role of a parent is still a role that is possible to take on. That decision will be up to you. d)If you do want to be with this woman, make sure it is for the right reasons not because of possible guilt or obligation you feel that you may have. It is also a form of commitment, can you handle that? So basically think realistically, as well. I hope I didn't offend you, but as I said I would be giving my two cents. And I hope this helped, at least somewhat. Good luck, and let me know if you do decide :).

Bittersweet : Advice?

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:20:02 +0000

Here's the thing, what was her past like? If there was a pattern where she got abandoned a lot, do factor that in. It can explain some for why she would be insecure and paranoid. (If we get abandoned, we feel unworthy.) What happened in our past, especially childhood, has a toll on how we are in the future whether or not we realize/want it. I don't believe it's you looking for the perfect relationship. I understand it can get frustrating when you tell a person something you truly feel, and they're skeptical about it. Try not to fight about it, be a little more sensitive to why she can be feeling that way, and keep reassuring her. Eventually it will sink in. To relate personally, I was once in her shoes. It took me two years before I finally felt secure (and then another two to totally have that taken away). So it could take a while, but constant comforting can help when she needs it.